Welcome to the 2026 Season From Larisa Oleynik
(Editor’s note: The 2025 winner, Larisa Oleynik, has shared some words of wisdom as we kick off the 2026 season. His message is below.)
The night before the season, six owners gathered in the back room of a sportsbook that accepted only funny money. The carpet smelled like cigarettes and spilled Miller Lite. Thirty-two stacks of $500 waited behind the betting window.
Larisa leaves metallic liquid form to sit at the head of the table with the championship plaque beside her. Fifteen years passed between her first title and her second. Last season, $900 earned her a playoff seat. Then every surviving franchise returned to zero, and Larisa built a new $1,400 stack when the money counted most.
Boss Hardigan arrived next. He opened a briefcase and arranged 370 winning tickets on one side of the table, 324 losing tickets on the other, and fourteen pushes down the middle. Those tickets produced $14,400, the largest fortune in league history.
Kenny Powers picked up one of the losing tickets and laughed.
“Three hundred twenty-four losses?”
Boss closed the briefcase. “And fourteen-four in the bank.”
All that money came from a .532 career percentage. Boss never needed perfection. He needed one more winner than loser, then another season to do it again.
Kenny dropped a baseball onto the table. One side carried “.712—2017,” the greatest single-season percentage in FMFL history. The other carried “.378—2025.” Last year, Kenny turned the second number -$2,200.
He spun the ball. Nobody touched it.
Roy Donk entered next, carrying a saxophone and a torn wild card ticket. His rookie regular season produced twenty-nine wins, fourteen losses, one push, and $2,300. The .670 percentage topped every franchise in the all-time standings, even after the wild card ticket in his hand paid nothing.
Roy skipped the divisional draft, so an algorithm selected his entire division. Now he played three slow notes while the other owners studied the ceiling.
The Big Hurt placed his wild card beside Roy’s torn one. His ticket remained clean, uncreased, and unused. While the rest of the North spent theirs chasing the division, The Big Hurt kept his in his pocket and won the crown with $600.
Kenny stopped spinning the baseball.
“You could’ve bet the thousand.”
The Big Hurt returned the card to his pocket. “Could’ve.”
Yaz arrived last, dragging two canvas bags. From the first he poured $2,100, his regular-season total and one of the largest stacks of the year. He turned the second bag upside down. Nothing fell out. A marker
remained stapled to the lining:
IOU $700.
Larisa tapped the plaque with one fingernail. Yaz looked at her $1,400 playoff stack, then at his empty hands.
Outside that room, last season’s thirty-two franchises lost $18,100 together. Only fifteen finished above zero. Week 9 swallowed $6,000. Week 10 coughed back $5,300. The trap opened, and everybody reached inside again.
The Executive Director unlocked the betting window. Fresh stacks of funny money slid across the counter, $500 for every franchise. The ink rubbed off on their thumbs.
Boss packed away his tickets. Kenny pocketed the baseball. Roy lifted the saxophone. The Big Hurt kept his wild card close. Yaz left both bags beneath the table.
Larisa wondered if it would be another 15 years.
Every balance is now zero.
Place your bets.
Welcome to 2026.
2026 Divisions
East Division
Babe
Blossom Russo
Donnie Jeffcoat
Mitch Conner
Tapkas McGuiness*
The Notorious ABT
The People’s Champ
Thine
North Division
Biff Tannen
Boss Hardigan
Judge Smails
Lee Iacocca
Rick Moranis
Ted DiBiase
The Big Hurt*
Tony Montana
South Division
Chalky Studebaker
Karl Farbman
Karl Hungus
Kenny Powers
Prop Joe
Roy Donk*
Shecky
T-Ferg
West Division
Bud Fox
Chris B. Corey
Larisa Oleynik
Mr. Marbles
Neon Boudeaux
OJ*
The Beard of Zeus
Yaz
*Defending division champion
Divisional Draft Chat
The following is an edited transcript from this year’s divisional draft, which was held on August 30, 2026. Roy Donk was not in attendance, so his selections were autodrafted.
The Executive Director: Welcome to the 2026 FMFL Draft. Snake format with round one in order of Roy Donk, Yaz, Tapkas McGuiness, and The Big Hurt. Round two will be the reverse. With Roy Donk not in attendance, he will autodraft from the bottom of last year’s overall standings.
The Executive Director: With the first pick, Roy Donk takes Karl Farbman
The Executive Director: Yaz is up
Yaz: OJ
The Executive Director: Up to Tapkas for his first pick
Tapkas McGuiness: Babe
The Executive Director: Now to The Big Hurt for two picks
The Big Hurt: Lee Iacocca first
The Big Hurt: then Judge Smails
The Executive Director: Excellent – back to Tapkas
Tapkas McGuiness: The People’s Champ
Yaz: Mr. Marbles
The Executive Director: That gives Roy Donk – Shecky and Karl Hungus
The Executive Director: Back to Yaz
Yaz: Chris B. Corey
The Executive Director: Over to Tapkas
Tapkas McGuiness: The Notorious ABT
The Executive Director: Nice – over to TBH for two
The Big Hurt: Boss Hardigan and Rick Moranis
The Executive Director: Back to Tapkas
Tapkas McGuiness: Thine
The Executive Director: Now it’s Yaz’s turn
Yaz: Neon
The Executive Director: It goes over to Roy Donk
The Executive Director: He takes Prop Joe and Kenny Powers
The Executive Director: Back to Yaz
Yaz: The Beard
The Executive Director: To Tapkas
Tapkas McGuiness: Donnie Jeffcoat
The Executive Director: Got it – TBH for two picks
The Big Hurt: Tony Montana and Ted Dibiase
The Executive Director: Two stellar picks
The Executive Director: Back to Tapkas
Tapkas McGuiness: Blossom Russo
The Executive Director: Over to Yaz
Yaz: Bud Fox
The Executive Director: That goes over to Roy for his last two picks
The Executive Director: He takes Chalky Studebaker and T-Ferg
The Executive Director: Yaz is up – Mitch Conner, Biff Tannen, and Larisa Oleynik are left
Yaz: Larisa
The Executive Director: Yaz takes the defending champ
Tapkas McGuiness: Mitch
The Executive Director: That leaves The Big Hurt with Biff Tannen
The Big Hurt: God dammit
The Executive Director: Thanks all – any parting words?
The Big Hurt: Good luck all, and NEON SUX!
Tapkas McGuiness: Don’t forget to flip your mattress!
Yaz: As they told Axel Freed, the bookie doesn’t pay off on halftime scores
Welcome to the 2026 Season!
Welcome to the 20th season of the Funny Money Football League!
Final Standings
Congratulations to Larisa Oleynik on winning the FMFL Championship!
*Won via tiebreaker
Super Bowl Scenarios
**If Seattle wins by 5-11, Roy Donk wins third place. If Seattle wins by 13 or more, Biff Tannen wins third place. If Seattle wins by exactly 12, Roy Donk wins if Total Net Yards are 377 or below. Biff Tannen wins if Total Net Yards are 378 or above.
Super Bowl Picks
Super Bowl Line
Note: Bets must be placed by Saturday night at midnight in order to be considered on time.
Super Bowl Standings
Recap: Three weeks down and Larisa Oleynik has been perfect for all three. She is one pick away from her second FMFL title (her first coming in 2010). Newcomer Tapkas McGuiness is within sight, and the battle for the prize money will also be waged by several others at the $500 and $300 marks.
Conference Championship Scenarios
