The Top Ten: Week 7
The Top Ten: Week 7
Commentary: Welp, the Eagles sunk a large portion of the league in Week 6. Teams that side-stepped the Philly land mine benefited by either moving up the standings or having the rest of their division come down considerably. Boss Hardigan lost his wild card bet on the Eagles, and now finds himself way back in the East, where the leaders are at a mere $800.
(current total; last week’s ranking)
1. Rick Moranis ($2,200; 1)
How is he doing it? Is it because of his “Sunday Sausage” diet? This can’t go on for much longer…..
2. Babe ($1,400; 2)
Babe lost $100 but maintained his lead in the North. He has avoided losing $500 in a single week thus far, and also has yet to be in the negative money.
3. Art Schlichter ($1,200; 5)
A big $300 week (considering the rest of the league) puts Art right behind Babe for the North lead.
4. Don Mattingly ($1,200; 3)
Two bets, two losses, and the separation between Mattingly and Moranis grows. Eleven weeks left, but Moranis continues to pad a lead that the West teams need to start chipping away.
5. Larisa Oleynik ($800; 6)
Over the past few weeks, Larisa’s lead has shrunk and one wonders if she is the NY Jets of Funny Money. Good for the first three weeks, then a dud ever since.
6. T-Ferg ($600; 8 )
T-Ferg avoided losing $500 in Week 6, but looks as though he was a flash in the pan the first four weeks of the season.
7. Slovy Maximus ($800; 4)
Yikes. A conservative four bet strategy. All losses. Yet, Slovy still maintains a $600 lead in the South.
8. Mr. Marbles ($600; 9)
Survived a brutal week and still has the division leader in his sights.
9. Kenny Powers ($500; 10)
Powers has bet some off-the-radar games in the past few weeks and now looks to climb another rung up the West standings.
10. Teddy KGB ($800; NR)
Riding Tom Brady’s arm, Teddy moved into second place in the East. His veteran experience has helped him hang around after a ho-hum start to the season.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Blossom Russo; Yaz; Waldo Geraldo Faldo; Karl Farbman.
DROPPED OUT: The Beard of Zeus
The Top Ten: Week 6
The Top Ten: Week 6
Commentary: Two wild card bets were placed in Week 5. Blossom Russo rode Gunslinger Favre’s arm to victory and Kenny Powers jumped on Peyton Manning to win as well. Curious that Blossom and Kenny – who are siblings – both bet their wild cards in the same week (conspiracy?). Rick Moranis kept chugging along and Slovy Maximus separated himself from the rest of the South.
(current total; last week’s ranking)
1. Rick Moranis ($1,900; 1)
We are five weeks deep into the season, and there are still questions surrounding this unprecedented run by Rick. When does it end? How is he doing it? After a lifetime of gambling failures, has Moranis turned it around for good?
2. Babe ($1,500; 3)
A perfect week for Babe and an increase in his lead in the North. Some say his two-team strategy might back to haunt him as the season progresses, much like it did in 2008.
3. Don Mattingly ($1,700; 5)
Donnie has won $500 for three straight weeks and keeps the pressure on Rick for the overall lead.
4. Slovy Maximus ($1,300; 6)
A huge week for Slovy. He gained some cash, and all other teams in the South dropped back. He now has the largest division lead ($1,100).
5. Art Schlichter ($900; 10)
A reborn Art has not lost his gambling touch. He has surged back up the Top Ten but has to keep moving in the positive direction if he wants to catch Babe.
6. Larisa Oleynik ($900; 4)
Over the last two weeks, Larisa has slid down five spots in the rankings, and now only holds a slim lead over the rest of the East.
7. The Beard of Zeus ($900; NR)
The Beard is hot right now, but it’s a shame that everyone else in his division is hot as well. A wild card bet this week could vault him over the league leaders.
8. T-Ferg ($900; 2)
T-Ferg slips down after another off week. Don’t look now but he is in danger of falling farther and farther away in the West.
9. Mr. Marbles ($700; 8 )
Marbles is on the cusp of either being right in contention in the North or being a nobody hovering around even money.
10. Kenny Powers ($400; NR)
And Kenny is alive! A wild card win and an $800 week took him from the basement of the division to within arms reach of the rest of the pack. However, he needs to beef up his .400 winning percentage if he wants to contend.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Boss Hardigan; Teddy KGB; Blossom Russo; Bummy.
DROPPED OUT: Karl Farbman; Boss Hardigan.
The Top Ten: Week 5
The Top Ten: Week 5
Commentary: Most of the favorites covered in Week 4, and as a result a lot of teams benefited with perfect weeks. Overall leader Larisa Oleynik took a tumble in the standings, as did Kimmy Gibbler, who lost her wild card bet on the hapless Tennessee Titans. One wild card bet down, 27 to go. As we reach the quarter pole in the season, just about every team is within reasonable striking distance. No one is breaking away and no one is falling too far back.
(current total; last week’s ranking)
1. Rick Moranis ($1,600; 2)
Another week comes and goes, and another perfect week for Rick Moranis. Insiders have discovered his good luck ritual – cursing at restaurant hostesses each weekend.
2. T-Ferg ($1,200; 3)
T-Ferg stayed somewhat close to Moranis in the West, but he also broke his finger dancing this weekend. Read that again. He doesn’t have the staying power to remain at the top and might only be this high in the Top Ten for a few more weeks.
3. Babe ($1,000; 4)
Won $500. Made himself a chocolate milkshake to celebrate.
4. Larisa Oleynik ($800; 1)
The world came crashing down for Larisa in Week 4. 0-3 on bets and all of the sudden only holds a slim lead over a few others in the East.
5. Don Mattingly ($1,200; 6)
Donnie Baseball won $500 this week, but remained behind Moranis in the West.
6. Slovy Maximus ($800; 5)
Continuing to hedge his bets, Slovy won three and lost one this week. Conservative betting will get him to the top of the division but won’t get him up the ladder in the Top Ten.
7. Karl Farbman ($800; 7)
Finally a perfect week for Karl, but he remains among the crowd in the North division.
8. Mr. Marbles ($800; 10)
Add Marbles to the list of teams at $800. This is a make or break week for many; it will separate the contenders from the pretenders.
9. Boss Hardigan ($600; NR)
Hardigan can smell the lead in the East, but still is playing second fiddle in the Funny Money to his own brother.
10. Art Schlichter ($600; NR)
Art is back into the rankings with a $500 week.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Teddy KGB; The Beard of Zeus; Bummy.
DROPPED OUT: The People’s Champ; Mr. DeBlasis.
The Top Ten: Week 4
The Top Ten: Week 4
Commentary: For the third straight week, franchises cashed in on New Orleans, the Giants, and whoever was playing the Browns. The suck bet of the week seemed to be the Houston Texans, which kept a lot of guys from winning $500. The Bears’ 4th quarter comeback saved the week for a few others. And The Phoenix (the self-proclaimed “Bad Boy of Funny Money”) was fined for late bets yet again. Three weeks in the books and no wild card bets made as of yet.
(current total; last week’s ranking)
1. Larisa Oleynik ($1,300; 2)
Larisa had a flawless Week 3 and sits atop the leaderboard. Funny Money veterans hear this: a novice is crushing everyone. It’s a recurring theme in the Top Ten. Three of the top five are rookies.
2. Rick Moranis ($1,100; 1)
Though his reign at the summit of the Top Ten was short lived, Rick still won $300 on the week, but is locked in tie for the lead in the West.
3. T-Ferg ($1,100; 3)
Across the pond making satellite picks? Not even an ocean between T-Ferg and the NFL can stop him from surging towards the top of the standings.
4. Babe ($500; 5)
Babe weathered the storm in Week 3 and leads the pack in the North. Every team in the division is within $600 of him. A wild card wager would separate him from the rest.
5. Slovy Maximus ($500; 7)
Just like Brett Favre, Slovy is, “Like a kid out there, just having fun.” Another rookie leading his division.
6. Don Mattingly ($700; NR)
Donnie baseball had a perfect week and remains within shouting distance of Rick and T-Ferg.
7. Karl Farbman ($300; 8 )
With another ho-hum week, Farbman stayed close in the North, but has to put a few correct picks together in Week 4 or he will fall out of the Top Ten.
8. The People’s Champ ($200; 4)
The Champ saw his division lead evaporate and now he is in danger of being below even money.
9. Mr. DeBlasis ($300; 10)
Called by some pundits as the “Best Groomed Franchise in Funny Money,” DeBlasis moves up another spot this week.
10. Mr. Marbles ($300; NR)
Hello? Is someone there?………Mr. Marbles? A perfect week gets him into the Top Ten. How long he stays there is up to him and Kenny Rogers Roasters.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Kimmy Gibbler; Boss Hardigan; The Phoenix; Art Schlichter.
DROPPED OUT: Art Schlichter; Boss Hardigan.
Week 3: The Top Ten
The Top Ten: Week 3
Commentary: The biggest games this week for the Funny Money League were the Jets-Patriots battle on Sunday and the Colts-Dolphins Monday night game. A huge chunk of cash was wagered on the Pats, and thus several franchises were held back this week. A ton of money was also placed on the Colts, who pulled out a point-spread nailbiter on MNF. Now, as we enter Week 3, the divisions are starting to separate, and those hovering around even money need to do something fast before the division leaders keep running further away.
(current total; last week’s ranking)
1. Rick Moranis ($800; 3)
Six bets placed. Five wins. One loss. Can someone please find out what Rick was taking in the offseason?
2. Larisa Oleynik ($800; 5)
A $500 week for Larisa. So far, so good for the two heads theory.
3. T-Ferg ($800; NR)
T-Ferg also enjoyed a perfect week. But now he is overseas, and one wonders if he can keep this up during his vaca.
4. The People’s Champ ($500; 6)
What would’ve been a flawless week for the Champ was tainted by a late bet fine. Something tells me that TPC is waiting in the weeds and will be at the top of this list in the next few weeks.
5. Babe ($600: NR)
Babe separated himself from the rest of the North with a perfect week. If he falters in Week 3, he’ll have three franchises nipping at his heels, so this is a big week for maintaining his lead.
6. Art Schlichter ($400; 1)
Art dropped back and will need to rebound with a positive Week 3.
7. Slovy Maximus ($200; 7)
Staying the course, Slovy still remains ahead in the rankings of his sibling rival.
8. Karl Farbman ($200; 8 )
Saved by Peyton Manning, Farbman is barely treading water after two weeks, with just two correct bets this season.
9. Boss Hardigan ($200; 9)
Hardigan won $100, but won’t move up this list until he shows us something.
10. Mr. DeBlasis ($200; NR)
DeBlasis, who has been called by some experts as the “Most Seductive Team in the Funny Money,” gets in the Top Ten and looks to climb up the ranks.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Bummy; Blossom Russo; Yaz; Bayonnaise.
DROPPED OUT: Yaz; Mr. Marbles; Teddy KGB.
Week 2: The Top Ten
The Top Ten: Week 2
Commentary: Week 1 gave a number of franchises a taste of having a perfect week, then two underdogs covering on Monday Night Football brought most of them back down to earth. When the dust settled, three franchises were flawless, a few more won $300, and then a large number are hovering around $0. Bayonnaise, Waldo Geraldo Faldo, and The Phoenix all had late picks.
(current total; last week’s ranking)
1. Art Schlichter ($500; NR)
Art was perfect in Week 1, vaulting himself to the top of the standings and giving him the number one spot in The Top Ten. For now.
2. Yaz ($500; NR)
The league’s senior member won $500, but does he have the strength to sustain a high level of performance for the entire season?
3. Rick Moranis ($500; NR)
Wow. Hell has frozen over. Pigs are flying. Rick Moranis won $500.
4. Mr. Marbles ($300; 3)
Marbles wisely bet three games (winning two of them) and stays close behind Art Schlichter in the North.
5. Larisa Oleynik ($300; 8 )
Larisa sets the pace in the East, cashing in on Adrian Peterson blazing speed. That or the Browns’ phantom defense.
6. The People’s Champ ($100; 2)
The Champ uncharacteristically eked out a hundo and will need to pick up the pace if he wants to stay in the thick of things.
7. Slovy Maximus ($300; NR)
Another rookie making a name for himself early, Slovy looks to distance himself from the rest of the pack in Week 2.
8. Karl Farbman ($100; 4)
Farbman lost the opener by betting on the Steelers, but then kept his head above water with a win on Sunday.
9. Boss Hardigan ($100; 9)
Hardigan trails boyhood rival Slovy Maximus by $200 after one week of play.
10. Teddy KGB ($100; NR)
Just managing to make the list, Teddy missed out on a perfect week after Oakland’s surprising performance against San Diego.
DROPPED OUT: Gordon Bombay; The 21th Precinct; Blossom Russo; Kimmy Gibbler; Mr. DeBlasis.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Babe; Don Mattingly; Mr. DeBlasis; Gordon Bombay.
Week 1: The Top Ten
Due to our expansion this season, the regular Power Rankings posting will be replaced with The Top Ten, which will highlight the top ten franchises each week. It will also include some commentary week-to-week regarding movement around the league.
The Top Ten: Week 1
Commentary: As we head into the season, a lot of old faces appear at the top of the preseason rankings. With nine expansion teams, we will quickly separate the contenders from the pretenders. Starting with the Thursday night opener, the marathon that is the Funny Money Football season begins.
(final 2008 regular season total; place; playoff finish)
1. Gordon Bombay ($3,500; 1st in North; 4th in playoffs)
Last year’s regular season champion begins the 2009 campaign on top. His division looks to be weaker than others, so the top spot is his to lose.
2. The People’s Champ ($1,200; 2nd in South; 7th in playoffs)
The 2007 champion made the playoffs again last year and is always a force to be reckoned with. TPC is still looking for that allusive division title.
3. Mr. Marbles ($1,800; 2nd in North; 2nd in playoffs)
Marbles surged in the playoffs last year, but must contend with two of last year’s division champs this season in the North.
4. Karl Farbman ($1,500; 1st in West; 1st in playoffs)
Farbman, the defending champion, cannot afford to be mediocre for long stretches of the season. The divisional competition is stiffer this time around, and everyone will be gunning for the champ.
5. The 21th Precinct ($1,100; 2nd in West; 3rd in playoffs)
Coming off of a dynamite rookie year, the Precinct looks to stay in the mix throughout the year and hopes to build on last season’s success.
6. Blossom Russo ($3,300; 1st in East; 6th in playoffs)
Though his collapse in the last week of the regular season and in the playoffs in ’08 marred what was an outstanding season, Blossom looks to rebound with a fast start is 2009.
7. Kimmy Gibbler ($2,000; 1st in South; 5th in playoffs)
Gibbler has had the tale of two seasons in her Funny Money career. Year one was a failure, but year two brought a division title. Which Kimmy is the one that will perform in 2009?
8. Larisa Oleynik (rookie season)
The only rookie that makes the preseason Top Ten, Larisa hopes to hang in the big boys early and often. Oleynik is also the only “franchise by committee” in the FMFL this year. We’ll see if two heads are better than one.
9. Boss Hardigan (-$800; 5th in West; missed playoffs)
A late season fade in the standings left Boss Hardigan wondering what could have been. His shrewd picks and money management skills must be a factor in order for him to contend.
10. Mr. DeBlasis (-$400; 3rd in South; missed playoffs)
DeBlasis, arguably the most underrated franchise in league history, is hoping that 2009 is the year that he makes The Leap.
DROPPED OUT: none
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Chris B. Corey; Brian Piccolo; The Notorious A.B.T.; Waldo Geraldo Faldo; Yaz.
