The Postseason Report
THE POSTSEASON REPORT
EAST DIVISION
Blossom Russo
Blossom led his division for the majority of the season, pulling away weeks ago and making the last leg of the year an easy road to the East crown. However, he led the overall title by $700 with one week to play and let his guard down. Poor strategy down the stretch (and a late picks fine two weeks ago) cost him the big prize. He’ll still be heading to the playoffs, but it could have been a lot more profitable.
Total: $3,300 Winning %: 0.637 Total Fines: $100
Grade: B-
Bummy
In the second half of the year Bummy did an excellent job of hanging around while the rest of the league went into the tank. That being said, he never could put together a $500 week down the stretch. His opportunity for the playoffs might not have panned out, but overall he had a good rookie season.
Total: $300 Winning %: 0.489 Total Fines: $100
Grade: B
Babe
Faltering down the stretch, Babe’s final total doesn’t do justice to the fact that he was on the cusp of the playoffs just five short weeks ago. He lost his wild card bet in Week 8, and never fully recovered. He looks to be a factor for next season.
Total: -$1,400 Winning %: 0.463 Total Fines: $200
Grade: C
The Beard of Zeus
The Beard got off to a rough start, but then surged in the second half of the year. A few bounces didn’t go his way and prevented him for gaining any real momentum down the stretch. Lack of interest kept him from betting in the final week of the season, which dropped him to over two-thousand bucks in the hole.
Total: -$2,200 Winning %: 0.368 Total Fines: $800
Grade: C-
The Phoenix
When The Phoenix actually placed bets, he did pretty well. But missing out on a few weeks of wagers and constantly betting late put him in a huge hole that he could never get out of. In the last week of the season, he passed Rick Moranis and gained the glorious title of last place in the Funny Money Football League.
Total: -$3,200 Winning %: 0.519 Total Fines: $2,900
Grade: F
NORTH DIVISION
Gordon Bombay
Made good, consistent picks all season long. Bombay might as well bet real money, considering his record from last season and this season combined. He varied his betting style from week to week, and did a masterful job in Week 17 of correctly betting his wild card in order to protect himself from being passed in the division while going for the overall title. He made up a $700 deficit in the final week, which has Bombay rolling into the playoffs.
Total: $3,500 Winning %: 0.627 Total Fines: $200
Grade: A
Mr. Marbles
In one of the other divisions, Mr. Marbles would have been a leader or close to the lead all season long. But as the luck of the draw would have it, he trailed Bombay for most of the season and took a shot at the division crown in the final week, betting obscure games, knowing his postseason spot was secure. Marbles accrued no fine money, and beefed up his winning percentage in the second half of the year.
Total: $1,800 Winning %: 0.557 Total Fines: $0
Grade: A-
Chris B. Corey
Chris was the first franchise this season to bet his wild card, tanking $800 on Cincinnati in Week 2. This put him behind early, but to his credit, he hung around all season, falling behind, but not to far, then turning it on with four weeks to go. In the last two weeks, he won $500 each week, and ended up just $100 out of the playoffs. A job well done.
Total: $1,000 Winning %: 0.590 Total Fines: $0
Grade: B+
Teddy KGB
From the beginning of the year, Teddy KGB had a strategy: bet two games each week. No more. No less. He caught fire around the midseason point, leading the wild card race, and even challenging for the division. But in the last five weeks of the season, of the ten games he bet, nine were wrong. Hopefully this will be a lesson for him in future seasons. Aggressiveness is good, but switching up betting styles can prevent a funk like the one he suffered.
Total: $100 Winning %: 0.471 Total Fines: $100
Grade: C+
Thunder Lips
Likewise, Thunder Lips had a strategy. He bet a ton of games in the first part of the season, and his winning percentage was through the roof. With four weeks to go, he seemed primed for the playoffs. But, down the stretch, he couldn’t put together a good week, and he didn’t even bet in Weeks 15 and 17. Also, he left his wild card bet on the shelf. Thunder Lips, the league thanks you for your donation.
Total: -$300 Winning %: 0.640 Total Fines: $2,000
Grade: D+
SOUTH DIVISION
Kimmy Gibbler
The second half Funny Money blues had no effect on Gibbler, who managed to eke out positive weeks time and time again. As the season wore on, it seemed the more games he bet, the better he did. With a solid winning percentage and two years of FMFL experience, Gibbler roars into the playoffs.
Total: $2,000 Winning %: 0.623 Total Fines: $200
Grade: A
The People’s Champ
Always one who enjoys last-minute heroics, The People’s Champ waited until Week 17 to bet his wild card. New England came through for him, and he jumped over a few unsuspecting franchises to grab a postseason berth. If not for a few poor weeks in November and December, the Champ would’ve been a threat to Gibbler for the division title.
Total: $1,200 Winning %: 0.583 Total Fines: $300
Grade: B+
Mr. DeBlasis
With two weeks to go, Mr. DeBlasis knew he needed to be nearly perfect to make the playoffs. He was perfect one of the weeks, but lost $500 the other week. He was another franchise who could’ve done a better job of surviving the slim weeks in November, but to his credit, DeBlasis finished strong and gave himself a chance at the playoffs if teams above him faltered.
Total: $400 Winning %: 0.535 Total Fines: $200
Grade: B
Bayonnaise
At times, Bayonnaise looked like one of the toughest franchises in the leagues. At other times, he looked like one of the weakest. In Week 17, he didn’t place any bets, which knocked him out of having any chance of making the playoffs. Fines didn’t hurt him as much as last season, but the breaks never seemed to go his way.
Total: -$500 Winning %: 0.459 Total Fines: $800
Grade: C
Rick Moranis
What can I say about Rick Moranis. He was one of only four franchises that lost his wild card. For the second year in a row, he did not have one single week when his season total was on the positive side of zero. Yet, he played out the string, and in Week 17, managed to win $100, which brought him out of the cellar. He finished second to last for the season. Get ’em next year.
Total: -$3,100 Winning %: 0.409 Total Fines: $1,000
Grade: D
WEST DIVISION
Karl Farbman
Much like The People’s Champ, Farbman waited until Week 17 to place his wild card bet. At that point, he had fallen behind for the West Division crown. But a shrewd final week put him back in first place. In the previous three weeks, he had a chance to pull away from the rest of the division, but never did. The result was dramatic Week 17.
Total: $1,500 Winning %: 0.524 Total Fines: $0
Grade: A-
The 21th Precinct
In Week 16, the Precinct bet against the Browns (a no-brainer) and took the division lead back from Karl Farbman. Although he lost the lead in the final week, the Precinct managed to get into the playoffs by the slimmest of margins. He is also the only first-year team to make the postseason in 2008. Kudos.
Total: $1,100 Winning %: 0.541 Total Fines: $0
Grade: A-
Brian Piccolo
So close, yet so far, Piccolo won $500 in Week 16, but it was too little too late. In a division that seemed to be up for grabs most of the season, he never could get a grasp on first place. He missed the playoffs by $400, which is only one or two games that he needed to go the other way.
Total: $700 Winning %: 0.512 Total Fines: $0
Grade: B+
Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Add Waldo to the list of teams that faltered in the last two months of the season. He had two brutal weeks that put him out of the running for the division. Yet, he conducted himself with great manners throughout the 2008 campaign. He will be a dangerous franchise in 2009.
Total: -$500 Winning %: 0.488 Total Fines: $200
Grade: C+
Boss Hardigan
Despite losing his wild card bet in Week 9, Boss Hardigan made a serious run at the playoffs that sputtered out in Week 14. He learned a lot in his rookie year in the FMFL, and that experience will pay off in the future.
Total: -$800 Winning %: 0.477 Total Fines: $100
Grade: C-
A SPECIAL NOTE FROM THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR:
Thank you to all the franchises who participated this year. As I stated last week, all franchises will receive the playoff emails. If you are not in the postseason, I encourage you to read the rules and become familiar with the format, as it may help you out in future years. Once the Super Bowl is over, I will be sending out a feedback email in which I would like you to voice any complaints/suggestions/compliments you have about the league. I will also inquire as to whether or not you will considered returning to the league next year. Tomorrow, there will be an email sent out with the Playoff Rules and the annual “Funny Money Vegas Odds” for the playoffs. This will be followed Wednesday with the regular email with the week’s official lines.
The Midseason Report
THE MIDSEASON REPORT
The following is a completely biased report of first-half performance for each franchise. Taken into account are current standing, fines, betting style, sportsmanship, personal hygiene, footwear selections, favorite character on “Cheers”, and general attitude, as well as several other factors that are impossible to list.
EAST
Blossom Russo
Current money: $1,700
Winning Percentage: .630
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 7 – Tennessee – Won $800
Comment: Overall performance has been pretty good, but has been aided by a slick sports gambling site. She also has fallen back into last year’s trap of asking the Executive Director too many questions.
Grade: B+
Bummy
Current money: -$200
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Nothing too good and nothing too bad has kept Bummy in contention for the postseason. His wild card bet will make or break his season.
Grade: B-
Babe
Current money: -$400
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 8 – Buffalo – Lost $800
Comment: It was sink or swim with his Buffalo wild card bet, and Babe sunk like a stone. On the bright side, there is still a lot of season left, but he’ll need to string together a few big weeks to get back in it.
Grade: C
The Beard of Zeus
Current money: -$1,000
Winning Percentage: .406
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: The Beard of Zeus lurks in the shadows and actually has put together a few good weeks as of late. He has yet to find his rhythm and still can pull the wild card trigger.
Grade: C+
The Phoenix
Current money: -$1,100
Winning Percentage: .536
Fines: $800
Wild Card Bet: Week 8 – San Diego – Lost $800
Comment: Losing his wild card bet might have been the final nail in the coffin on The Phoenix, who is tied for the league lead in fines. Take out that big loss and his fine money, and he’d be having a pretty good season.
Grade: D+
NORTH
Gordon Bombay
Current money: $1,700
Winning Percentage: .646
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: A model of efficiency, Bombay is once again at the top of the standings, toting a nice winning percentage along with it, and still has not used the wild card bet.
Grade: A-
Mr. Marbles
Current money: $1,500
Winning Percentage: .605
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 7 – Tennessee – Won $800
Comment: Got into the thick of the playoff race after his big Week 7, and is finally managing his money like he should be.
Grade: B+
Teddy KGB
Current money: $600
Winning Percentage: .563
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: It has been a roller-coaster ride for Teddy, who has had several weeks where he has won $500, and also multiple weeks where he has lost $500. He needs to pick his spot for his wild card bet if he wants to make a run at the division.
Grade: B-
Thunder Lips
Current money: $200
Winning Percentage: .638
Fines: $600
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Was cruising right along, with a great winning percentage, betting five-teamers each week and making a killing. Then he didn’t make his bets one week, and has fallen back in the division. His percentage alone makes him dangerous in the second half.
Grade: C
Chris B. Corey
Current money: -$800
Winning Percentage: .475
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 2 – Cincinnati – Lost $800
Comment: Ballsy move by betting the BENGALS early in the season with his wild card, and he paid the price for it. The road back is a long one, and he looks to have let another season of Funny Money Football slip away.
Grade: C-
SOUTH
Kimmy Gibbler
Current money: $1,500
Winning Percentage: .688
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Much like Bombay, has a great winning percentage and still has his wild card bet available. The competition in his division is fierce, and it will definitely come down to the last few weeks of the season, and who blinks first with the wild card bet.
Grade: A-
The People’s Champ
Current money: $900
Winning Percentage: .619
Fines: $200
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Hasn’t been too bad this season, but does have some uncharacteristic fine money, which may come back to haunt him later in the year.
Grade: B
Bayonnaise
Current money: $800
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Week 5 – New England – Won $800
Comment: Cashed in on the Patriots in Week 5, and now finds himself holding onto a playoff berth. He must improve his percentage in the coming weeks, or manage his money wisely.
Grade: C+
Mr. DeBlasis
Current money: $700
Winning Percentage: .543
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 8 – Baltimore – Won $800
Comment: A few tough breaks have kept DeBlasis from shooting up in the standings. After a big Week 8, he is in prime position for a playoff run.
Grade: B-
Rick Moranis
Current money: -$700
Winning Percentage: .522
Fines: $800
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Crushed himself by not making his bets one week, but still isn’t out of it completely because his wild card bet is available.
Grade: D
WEST
Karl Farbman
Current money: $1,000
Winning Percentage: .611
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Has had only a one negative week, but it was a big one (-$500), and has benefitted from his divisional foes falling back. A wild card bet win might be essential in winning the division.
Grade: B+
Boss Hardigan
Current money: $500
Winning Percentage: .548
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Looked to be in the driver’s seat a few weeks ago, but has faltered as of late. Right now, on the outside looking in on the playoffs.
Grade: B-
The 21th Precinct
Current money: $300
Winning Percentage: .568
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Hasn’t been able to gather any momentum, but hasn’t fallen behind either. Wild card bet will be key in the second half.
Grade: B
Brian Piccolo
Current money: $200
Winning Percentage: .475
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 6 – New York Jets – Won $700
Comment: Vaulted himself into contention after the Jets came through in Week 6, but has crashed and burned since then. He needs to turn things around to make the playoffs.
Grade: C+
Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Current money: -$1,200
Winning Percentage: .432
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: The last three weeks, Waldo has just disappointed his legions of fans. He looked to be one good week away from vying for the division, but then “poof” – he was gone.
Grade: D-
