Welcome to the 2019 FMFL Season from Kiko Garcia
(Editor’s note: The 2018 winner, Kiko Garcia (who also won in 2017), has penned some words of wisdom as we kick off the 2019 season. His message is below.)
On a hot Saturday afternoon in late August, a man in a mesh Baltimore Orioles cap and dark sunglasses walks into the Distillery in Hell’s Kitchen, NYC. He saunters up to the bar and settles in for his typical Saturday afternoon lunch, the Short Rib Grilled Cheese with 2 pickles on the side, preferably not touching the sandwich. He lets out a slow sigh and takes in the scene around the dimly lit room. He decides it’s safe to take off his shades. You see, this is not just any man…this is KIKO GARCIA, the reigning, unprecedented, back-to-back winner of the coveted Funny Money Football Championship.
Long gone are the days when Kiko could walk down the street unnoticed. Adoring fans constantly want to talk strategy. Dedicated gamblers want his insight on when to use the Wild Card bet, what kind of shampoo he prefers, how to lay low during the regular season and then get scorching hot in the playoffs, etc. His dog Swami has 203,081 followers on Instagram. He has been spotted over the summer hanging with the likes of Adam Schefter, Jay Glazer, and oddly, Mark Rypien. The ride has been incredible, but in his heart of hearts he knows that fame without a life is no life at all…..the inner struggle is real. Meanwhile, Kiko glances over at the TV behind the bar, and his eyes light up…a preseason NFL game is being replayed from the night before. This signifies that the NFL season is right around the corner. It means the chance to Three-Peat and additional glory is within grasp. A wave of anxiety overcomes Kiko, as he decides to get his lunch to go. He remembers his mantra: “The Will to Win Means Nothing Without the Will to Prepare.” Although the price of fame continues to take it’s toll–the booze, the women, the excess, the late night cornhole battles with Jeff Saturday–Kiko is not ready to give up the spotlight just yet. He has one thing on his mind: Dynasty!
As week one approaches, hope springs eternal within the clubhouse of every Funny Money franchise…and rightfully so, as we are all tied for 1st in Week #1. As always, it will be quite the journey…moments of genius and jubilation…and Sundays that make you question your very existence. Let the madness begin. Best of Luck!
2019 FMFL Divisions
Below are the 2019 FMFL divisions, as chosen by the 2018 division winners:
East Division
Chris B. Corey
Donnie Jeffcoat
Karl Hungus
Larisa Oleynik
Luther Lavay
Patrick Bateman
The People’s Champ*
Yaz
North Division
Blossom Russo
Bud Fox
Kenny Powers
Kimmy Gibbler*
Mr. Marbles
OJ
T-Ferg
The Notorious ABT
South Division
Boss Hardigan
Karl Farbman
Kiko Garcia
Neon Boudeaux
Rick Moranis
The Big Hurt
Thine*
Waldo Geraldo Faldo
West Division
Babe*
Don Mattingly
Dr. Oge
Face
Gordon Bombay
Judge Smails
Shecky
The Beard of Zeus
*Denotes defending champion of division
2019 Divisional Draft Chat Recap
The following is an edited transcript from this year’s divisional draft, which was held on August 25, 2019.
The Executive Director: Welcome to the 2019 FMFL draft
The Executive Director: We’ll give The People’s Champ one more minute before we get started – if he doesn’t show, I’ll autopick for him based on regular season finish last year, picking from the worst available franchises
The Executive Director: Let’s get started – snake draft format with the order based on last year’s regular season finish – Gibbler, Babe, Thine and TPC. Then the next round will be the reverse (TPC, Thine, Babe, Gibbler). Gibbler is up with her first pick.
Kimmy Gibbler: Blossom Russo is my first pick
The Executive Director: Ok great – Blossom is taken. Babe up to you
Babe: Face
The Executive Director: Thine over to you
Thine: Because he is historically terrible
Thine: The Big Hurt
The Executive Director: Ok the People’s Champ will take the two expansion franchises – Luther Lavay and Karl Hungus
The Executive Director: Back to Thine
Thine: Boss Hardigan, recalling two years ago.
The Executive Director: Back to babe
Babe: Don Mattingly, please
The Executive Director: Surely. Now to Kimmy for two picks
Kimmy Gibbler: Marbles
Kimmy Gibbler: ABT
The Executive Director: Back to Babe and into round 3
Babe: My boy, Shecky
The Executive Director: Over to Thine for his next pick
Thine: Rick Moranis
The Executive Director: Great – and The People’s Champ will take Donnie Jeffcoat and Larisa Oleynik. Back to Thine
Thine: Waldo Geraldo Faldo
The Executive Director: Excellent, over to Babe
Babe: Judge Smails
The Executive Director: Kimmy for two picks
(The People’s Champ joins in progress)
The Executive Director: People’s Champ I’ll let you know who’s left when we get to you – we are in the fifth round and autopicked your division thus far
The People’s Champ: Sounds good
Kimmy Gibbler: OJ
Kimmy Gibbler: T-Ferg
The Executive Director: Over to Babe
Babe: The Beard of Zeus
The Executive Director: Thine you’re up
Thine: Simply, Neon
The Executive Director: The People’s Champ is up for two picks in a row. Here’s who is left – Gordon Bombay, Kiko Garcia, Chris B Corey, Patrick Bateman, Bud Fox, Karl Farbman, Dr Oge, Yaz, Kenny Powers
The People’s Champ: I’ll take Yaz and Patrick Bateman
The Executive Director: Back to Thine
Thine: Karl Farbman
The Executive Director: Best pick of the night so far. Babe over to you
Babe: Dr. Oge
The Executive Director: Great – final two picks for Kimmy
Kimmy Gibbler: Kenny Powers
Kimmy Gibbler: Yaz
The Executive Director: Yaz was taken by The People’s Champ
The Executive Director: Gordon, Kiko, Chris B. and Bud Fox are left
(Kimmy Gibbler goes idle)
The Executive Director: Kimmy – any pick? Giving you a minute before picking Bud Fox (lowest on list)
Thine: I imagine the bath aswellas bedtime are being seen to
The Peoples Champ: Hahaha
The Executive Director: Money never sleeps. Bud Fox goes to Kimmy. Over to Babe
Babe: Gordon Bombay
The People’s Champ: Wow bold pick
The Executive Director: Thine up to you – Kiko or Chris
Thine: A real Sophie’s choice. Out of respect for his performance in the post-season, but slightly poorer overall winning percentage, I choose Kiko.
The Executive Director: That leaves the People’s Champ with Chris B. Corey
The Executive Director: Thanks all for participating and good luck this season
The People’s Champ: Good luck all!
Babe: Thanks ED – good luck all!
Welcome to the 2019 Season!
Welcome to the 13th season of the Funny Money Football League!
