The Midseason Report
THE MIDSEASON REPORT
The following is a completely biased report of first-half performance for each franchise. Taken into account are current standing, fines, betting style, sportsmanship, personal hygiene, footwear selections, favorite character on “Cheers”, and general attitude, as well as several other factors that are impossible to list.
EAST
Blossom Russo
Current money: $1,700
Winning Percentage: .630
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 7 – Tennessee – Won $800
Comment: Overall performance has been pretty good, but has been aided by a slick sports gambling site. She also has fallen back into last year’s trap of asking the Executive Director too many questions.
Grade: B+
Bummy
Current money: -$200
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Nothing too good and nothing too bad has kept Bummy in contention for the postseason. His wild card bet will make or break his season.
Grade: B-
Babe
Current money: -$400
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 8 – Buffalo – Lost $800
Comment: It was sink or swim with his Buffalo wild card bet, and Babe sunk like a stone. On the bright side, there is still a lot of season left, but he’ll need to string together a few big weeks to get back in it.
Grade: C
The Beard of Zeus
Current money: -$1,000
Winning Percentage: .406
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: The Beard of Zeus lurks in the shadows and actually has put together a few good weeks as of late. He has yet to find his rhythm and still can pull the wild card trigger.
Grade: C+
The Phoenix
Current money: -$1,100
Winning Percentage: .536
Fines: $800
Wild Card Bet: Week 8 – San Diego – Lost $800
Comment: Losing his wild card bet might have been the final nail in the coffin on The Phoenix, who is tied for the league lead in fines. Take out that big loss and his fine money, and he’d be having a pretty good season.
Grade: D+
NORTH
Gordon Bombay
Current money: $1,700
Winning Percentage: .646
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: A model of efficiency, Bombay is once again at the top of the standings, toting a nice winning percentage along with it, and still has not used the wild card bet.
Grade: A-
Mr. Marbles
Current money: $1,500
Winning Percentage: .605
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 7 – Tennessee – Won $800
Comment: Got into the thick of the playoff race after his big Week 7, and is finally managing his money like he should be.
Grade: B+
Teddy KGB
Current money: $600
Winning Percentage: .563
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: It has been a roller-coaster ride for Teddy, who has had several weeks where he has won $500, and also multiple weeks where he has lost $500. He needs to pick his spot for his wild card bet if he wants to make a run at the division.
Grade: B-
Thunder Lips
Current money: $200
Winning Percentage: .638
Fines: $600
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Was cruising right along, with a great winning percentage, betting five-teamers each week and making a killing. Then he didn’t make his bets one week, and has fallen back in the division. His percentage alone makes him dangerous in the second half.
Grade: C
Chris B. Corey
Current money: -$800
Winning Percentage: .475
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 2 – Cincinnati – Lost $800
Comment: Ballsy move by betting the BENGALS early in the season with his wild card, and he paid the price for it. The road back is a long one, and he looks to have let another season of Funny Money Football slip away.
Grade: C-
SOUTH
Kimmy Gibbler
Current money: $1,500
Winning Percentage: .688
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Much like Bombay, has a great winning percentage and still has his wild card bet available. The competition in his division is fierce, and it will definitely come down to the last few weeks of the season, and who blinks first with the wild card bet.
Grade: A-
The People’s Champ
Current money: $900
Winning Percentage: .619
Fines: $200
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Hasn’t been too bad this season, but does have some uncharacteristic fine money, which may come back to haunt him later in the year.
Grade: B
Bayonnaise
Current money: $800
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Week 5 – New England – Won $800
Comment: Cashed in on the Patriots in Week 5, and now finds himself holding onto a playoff berth. He must improve his percentage in the coming weeks, or manage his money wisely.
Grade: C+
Mr. DeBlasis
Current money: $700
Winning Percentage: .543
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 8 – Baltimore – Won $800
Comment: A few tough breaks have kept DeBlasis from shooting up in the standings. After a big Week 8, he is in prime position for a playoff run.
Grade: B-
Rick Moranis
Current money: -$700
Winning Percentage: .522
Fines: $800
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Crushed himself by not making his bets one week, but still isn’t out of it completely because his wild card bet is available.
Grade: D
WEST
Karl Farbman
Current money: $1,000
Winning Percentage: .611
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Has had only a one negative week, but it was a big one (-$500), and has benefitted from his divisional foes falling back. A wild card bet win might be essential in winning the division.
Grade: B+
Boss Hardigan
Current money: $500
Winning Percentage: .548
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Looked to be in the driver’s seat a few weeks ago, but has faltered as of late. Right now, on the outside looking in on the playoffs.
Grade: B-
The 21th Precinct
Current money: $300
Winning Percentage: .568
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Hasn’t been able to gather any momentum, but hasn’t fallen behind either. Wild card bet will be key in the second half.
Grade: B
Brian Piccolo
Current money: $200
Winning Percentage: .475
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 6 – New York Jets – Won $700
Comment: Vaulted himself into contention after the Jets came through in Week 6, but has crashed and burned since then. He needs to turn things around to make the playoffs.
Grade: C+
Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Current money: -$1,200
Winning Percentage: .432
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: The last three weeks, Waldo has just disappointed his legions of fans. He looked to be one good week away from vying for the division, but then “poof” – he was gone.
Grade: D-
Week 9 Lines
Week 9 Lines
SUNDAY
Houston
Minnesota (-4.5)
Jacksonville (-8)
Cincinnati
Tampa Bay (-8.5)
Kansas City
Baltimore
Cleveland (-1.5)
NY Jets
Buffalo (-5.5)
Arizona (-3)
St. Louis
Detroit
Chicago (-13)
Green Bay
Tennessee (-5.5)
Miami
Denver (-3.5)
Atlanta (-3)
Oakland
Dallas
NY Giants (-8.5)
Philadelphia (-6.5)
Seattle
New England
Indianapolis (-6)
MONDAY
Pittsburgh
Washington (-2.5)
Open: New Orleans, San Diego, Carolina, San Fran
Week 9 Power Rankings
Funny Money Power Rankings – Week 9
The real winner in Week 9 was the oddsmaker – two games were pushes, and three other games were within two points. The league put a lot of money on Buffalo, including Babe, who bet his wild card, and thus, a lot of money was lost this week. The Phoenix also dropped his wild card bet, while Mr. DeBlasis won his. Halfway home, the playoff picture is coming into focus.
Here are your updated power rankings:
Biggest rise: Mr. DeBlasis: was 13, now 8
Biggest drop: Babe: was 10, now 15
(Last week’s rank; Current total)
1. Gordon Bombay (2; $1,700)
Weather the storm in Week 8 but just inching up the standings, while keeping Mr. Marbles in his rearview mirror.
2. Blossom Russo (3; $1,700)
Lucky for her, two of Russo’s divisional opponents lost their wild card bets, making his lead in the division an astonishing $1,900.
3. Mr. Marbles (4; $1,500)
Kept pace with Bombay, and is currently in a playoff position.
4. Kimmy Gibbler (1; $1,500)
Lost share of the overall lead, but didn’t slip too far back.
5. The People’s Champ (8; $900)
Plays musical chairs with Bayonnaise and remains a shout away from Gibbler for the South crown.
6. Karl Farbman (9; $1,000)
Managed to eke out one win and one push to take back control in the West Division. He and Hardigan have flip-flopped in the last few weeks, but Farbman has a $500 cushion.
7. Bayonnaise (5; $800)
Having already used his wild card bet, Bayonnaise needs to pull out some winning weeks if he wants to keep pace. He’s already play his ace card.
8. Mr. DeBlasis (13; $700)
A huge week for DeBlasis, as he rode dem Rayyyvens to a wild card win. This gets him back into the mix, but can he run with the big dogs?
9. Teddy KGB (6; $600)
Lost $500. Time for the wild card bet. Do it.
10. Boss Hardigan (7; $500)
Slipped back in the West, and was lucky not to lose $500 on the week, saved by the New England push.
11. The 21th Precinct (14; $300)
Moved up in the division and has hung around long enough to make some noise in the playoff race. Is Week 9 the week he gets that $500 push he needs?
12. Thunder Lips (12; $200)
A mediocre week for Thunder Lips, who only bet, gulp, two teams this week! We’ll see how this strategy works out in the weeks to come.
13. Brian Piccolo (11; $200)
Dropped down again, and is now fourth in the West.
14. Bummy (15; -$200)
Might be time to make a run for the division. Babe and the Phoenix have dropped back, and Russo is running away with it.
15. Babe (10; $-400)
Lost $1,000 for the week, but couldn’t have done it in better company.
16. The Beard of Zeus (20; -$1,000)
AND THE BEARD IS ALIIIIIIIIIVVVVEEEEEEE!
17. Rick Moranis (17; -$700)
Can’t fight as well as his Phils. Needs to get back into things.
18. Chris B. Corey (16; -$800)
Needs to win some games, and needs to stop trying so hard to make jokes with his bets (for Chris, Atlanta = The Real Housewives of Eric Snow).
19. The Phoenix (18; -$1,100)
His wild card bet across the pond didn’t come through, and you can almost guarantee that this Phoenix won’t be rising any time soon.
20. Waldo Geraldo Faldo (19; $-1,200)
Fell back again. Lost $500. But a Dewey Beach trip might have cured what ails him.
Week 9 Standings
Week 9 Standings
East
Blossom Russo$1,700
Bummy-$200
Babe-$400
The Beard of Zeus-$1,000
The Phoenix-$1,100
North
Gordon Bombay$1,700
Mr. Marbles$1,500
Teddy KGB$600
Thunder Lips$200
Chris B. Corey-$800
South
Kimmy Gibbler$1,500
The People’s Champ$900
Bayonnaise$800
Mr. DeBlasis$700
Rick Moranis-$700
West
Karl Farbman$1,000
Boss Hardigan$500
The 21th Precinct$300
Brian Piccolo$200
Waldo Geraldo Faldo-$1,200
Overall Leaderboard
1. Gordon Bombay$1,700
2. Blossom Russo$1,700
3. Kimmy Gibbler$1,500
4. Mr. Marbles$1,500
5. Karl Farbman$1,000
Wild Card Standings
Mr. Marbles$1,500
The People’s Champ$900
3. Bayonnaise$800
—
4. Mr. DeBlasis$700
5. Teddy KGB$600
6. Boss Hardigan$500
Week 8 Lines
Week 8 Lines
SUNDAY
Oakland
Baltimore (-7)
San Diego (-3.5)
New Orleans
Kansas City
NY Jets (-13)
Buffalo (-1.5)
Miami
Tampa Bay
Dallas (-4)
Atlanta
Philadelphia (-9)
St. Louis
New England (-7)
Arizona
Carolina (-4.5)
Washington (-7.5)
Detroit
Cleveland
Jacksonville (-7)
NY Giants
Pittsburgh (-3)
Seattle
San Fran (-5)
Cincinnati
Houston (-9.5)
MONDAY
Indianapolis
Tennessee (-3.5)
Week 8 Power Rankings
Funny Money Power Rankings – Week 8
A brutal week in some respects for the league dropped the playoff race teams back a few steps. Blossom Russo and Mr. Marbles both hit their Tennessee Wild Card bets, while four teams had late picks, and one team didn’t pick at all.
Here are your updated power rankings:
Biggest rise: Mr. Marbles: was 12, now 4
Biggest drop: Brian Piccolo: was 4, now 11
(Last week’s rank; Current total)
1. Kimmy Gibbler (2; $1,600)
Gibbler survived a brutal Week 7 and managed to increase his divisional lead, but now trails in the overall picture.
2. Gordon Bombay (1; $1,500)
Late picks and an average week drop Bombay from the number one spot. Don’t look now, but his lead in the division is only $100 after being huge last week.
3. Blossom Russo (9; $1,800)
$1,000 increase in Week 7 vaulted Blossom to the top of the standings. But can he sustain this pace with his picks (or the picks of the “Gambling Insider” website that he is using) in the remaining weeks?
4. Mr. Marbles (12; $1,400)
Following in Blossom’s footsteps with oddly (??) similar picks, he also won $1,000.
5. Bayonnaise (3; $900)
Dropped five hundo on the week and is now only within a shouting distance of the South lead.
6. Teddy KGB (8; $1,100)
Managed to eke out $100 for the week and now faces the challenge of staying in the thick of things in the North, by far the best division in Funny Money right now.
7. Boss Hardigan (7; $900)
Back on top in the West, even though he had a lackluster week.
8. The People’s Champ (6; $800)
Late picks and big negative numbers.
9. Karl Farbman (5; $800)
Lost $500. Weak.
10. Babe (11; $600)
Was leading the East last week, but now is trailing by $1,200. Time for the Wild Card bet, there Babe?
11. Brian Piccolo (4; $600)
Lost $500. Drank Sparks.
12. Thunder Lips (10; $300)
No bets at all for Thunder Lips, which made him drop way back in the North. After a season of conservative betting, he’s fallen out of contention after losing $600.
13. Mr. DeBlasis (19; $-100)
A huge week for Mr. DeBlasis, who got back into the playoff race with a $500 week.
14. The 21th Precinct (14; $100)
Yawn. Right around $0. Show me something, Precinct, show me something.
15. Bummy (18; -$100)
The good news is Bummy won some cash last week in the Funny Money. But how bout them Red Sox?
16. Chris B. Corey (13; -$600)
Last week: won $500. This week: lost $500. But, all things considered, he has a lot of things on his mind, since he’s soon to open Risque, the sister bar of Lakewood’s Club Twist.
17. Rick Moranis (15; -$600)
Shuffled back to his old ways by betting a five teamer, but losing four of the games. But when the campaign trail ends, and Moranis can get back on track, he could be dangerous.
18. The Phoenix (17; -$500)
Another week of late picks, just crushing the Phoenix’s hopes and dreams.
19. Waldo Geraldo Faldo (16; $-700)
Made late picks, and then all of his picks were wrong, saddling Waldo with a $600 loss for the week. His consolation prize is chicken wings.
20. The Beard of Zeus (20; -$1,500)
Bye, bye, Beardy.
Week 8 Standings
Week 8 Standings
East
Blossom Russo$1,800
Babe$600
Bummy-$100
The Phoenix-$500
The Beard of Zeus-$1,500
North
Gordon Bombay$1,500
Mr. Marbles$1,400
Teddy KGB$1,100
Thunder Lips$300
Chris B. Corey-$600
South
Kimmy Gibbler$1,600
Bayonnaise$900
The People’s Champ$800
Mr. DeBlasis-$100
Rick Moranis-$600
West
Boss Hardigan$900
Karl Farbman$800
Brian Piccolo$600
The 21th Precinct$100
Waldo Geraldo Faldo-$700
Overall Leaderboard
1. Blossom Russo$1,800
2. Kimmy Gibbler$1,600
3. Gordon Bombay$1,500
4. Mr. Marbles$1,400
5. Teddy KGB$1,100
Wild Card Standings
Mr. Marbles$1,400
Teddy KGB$1,100
3. Bayonnaise$900
—
4. The People’s Champ$800
5. Karl Farbman$800
6. Babe$600
Week 7 Lines
Week 7 Lines
SUNDAY
Tennessee (-7)
Kansas City
San Diego (-2)
Buffalo
Pittsburgh (-9.5)
Cincinnati
Baltimore
Miami (-3)
Dallas (-6.5)
St. Louis
Minnesota
Chicago (-3)
New Orleans
Carolina (-3)
San Fran
NY Giants (-10.5)
Detroit
Houston (-9)
NY Jets (-3)
Oakland
Cleveland
Washington (-7.5)
Indianapolis (-1)
Green Bay
Seattle
Tampa Bay (-10.5)
MONDAY
Denver
New England (-3)
Open: Atlanta, Philadelphia, Arizona, Jacksonville
Week 7 Power Rankings
Funny Money Power Rankings – Week 7
Brian Piccolo surges into the playoff picture with a $1,000 week. He won his wild card despite Ryan Fitzpatrick’s best effort to rally the Bengals against the Jets. For the most part, other franchises stayed where they were last week, with the exception of Boss Hardigan who took a $500 hit, and Blossom Russo and Chris B. Corey, who each won $500. The Giants’ loss on Monday night prevented a lot of franchises from perfect weeks.
Here are your updated power rankings:
Biggest rise: Brian Piccolo: was 13, now 4
Biggest drop: Thunder Lips: was 5, now 10
(Last week’s rank; Current total)
1. Gordon Bombay (1; $1,900)
Increased his divisional and overall lead, but late picks prevented him from reaching the $2,000 mark.
2. Kimmy Gibbler (2; $1,500)
Secured the lead in the South for another week, but something tells me that Week 7 is the week he drops down.
3. Bayonnaise (4; $1,400)
Stayed quietly in second place in his division and within earshot of the overall lead.
4. Brian Piccolo (13; $1,100)
A HUGE week vaulted Piccolo into second place in the West, but will he fall right back into his $100 win or loss pattern? Time will tell.
5. Karl Farbman (6; $1,300)
Took over the West lead due to Hardigan’s fall from the top, but has Piccolo nipping at his heels.
6. The People’s Champ (7; $1,200)
Began the week looking as if he was going to make a big move, but his chances faded off like an Eli Manning pass.
7. Boss Hardigan (3; $1,000)
Lost $500. Lost his Speedo. Grew a mustache.
8. Teddy KGB (8; $1,000)
Fell further behind the overall leader, and is currently on the outside looking in for the playoffs.
9. Blossom Russo (10; $800)
Big $500 week and it looks as if fatty Russo will take over Babe this week in the East.
10. Thunder Lips (5; $900)
Another five teamer, yawn. Zzzzzzzz.
11. Babe (9; $900)
“This is why we can’t have nice things.”
12. Mr. Marbles (11; $400)
Time for the wild card bet? I think so. I think so.
13. Chris B. Corey (19; -$100)
Back from the dead, Chris B. Corey is close to positive money! To celebrate, he plans to throw out the first pitch at an Indians game.
14. The 21th Precinct (12; $0)
Should the Precinct follow Piccolo’s lead and go for the gusto before he falls further behind?
15. Rick Moranis (16; -$300)
Late picks cost him an additional $100, but he’s moving closer to the Equator.
16, Waldo Geraldo Faldo (15; $-100)
Brown water season has hurt his wagering.
17. The Phoenix (14; -$500)
Boring.
18. Bummy (18; -$400)
More boring.
19. Mr. DeBlasis (17; $-600)
DeBlasis is fading away, slowly but surely, and needs to turn things around fast as the halfway point of the season approaches.
20. The Beard of Zeus (20; -$1,400)
It looks like the end for the Beard.
Week 7 Standings
Week 7 Standings
East
Babe$900
Blossom Russo$800
Bummy-$400
The Phoenix-$500
The Beard of Zeus-$1,400
North
Gordon Bombay$1,900
Teddy KGB$1,000
Thunder Lips$900
Mr. Marbles$400
Chris B. Corey-$100
South
Kimmy Gibbler$1,500
Bayonnaise$1,400
The People’s Champ$1,200
Rick Moranis-$300
Mr. DeBlasis-$600
West
Karl Farbman$1,300
Brian Piccolo$1,100
Boss Hardigan$1,000
The 21th Precinct$0
Waldo Geraldo Faldo-$100
Overall Leaderboard
1. Gordon Bombay$1,900
2. Kimmy Gibbler$1,500
3. Bayonnaise$1,400
4. Karl Farbman$1,300
5. The People’s Champ$1,200
Wild Card Standings
1. Bayonnaise$1,400
2. The People’s Champ$1,200
3. Brian Piccolo$1,100
—
4. Teddy KGB$900
5. Boss Hardigan$1,000
6. Thunder Lips$900
