Wild Card Weekend Picks
Wild Card Weekend Lines
Reminder: Bets must be placed by Friday night at midnight in order to be considered on time.
Vegas Odds from Rick Moranis
(Editor’s note: Each season, we like to have a franchise that is not involved in the playoffs to write a preview of the franchises to beat. Luckily, most seasons, Rick Moranis has failed to make the playoffs and has accepted this duty. And now, your 2012 FMFL Playoff Odds courtesy of Frederick Allan Moranis.)
Greetings from The Tangiers in Las Vegas. In failing yet again to win a playoff position, my long-awaited vacation to the real shores of Gibraltar remains on hold as I slum it here in the desert. On the bright side, my annual consolation prize is that I get lay down the playoff odds. Call my friend Johnny Jersey Guidone to place your bets – 1-800-JABRONI (1-800-522-7664):
Larisa Oleynik: 2012 is a critical year for The President. It’s so critical that he called this morning and asked for two vital pieces of information concerning matters of national importance for the New Year: the consensus chalk picks for the Funny Money playoffs and Iowa caucuses. The answers? Larissa Oleynik (returning champion) and anybody but Rick Santorum (who cares).
Odds: 4 to 3
Karl Farbman: Perennial contender Karl is back in the playoffs again (yawn). The odds that he’ll win the playoffs are high again (eyes closing). In fact, they are the same odds as last year (zzzzzzzzz).Will anyone be surprised if The Executive Director’s winner’s check doesn’t even leave his zip code? Vegas has your answer, sleepyheads.
Odds: 3 to 1
Will Cover: Who will cover? Will Cover will cover!!! Vegas loves a great joke as much as it loves W.C.’s playoff chances. Also, my 2012 calendar is still available for birthday and bachelorette parties.
Odds: 7 to 2
Ron Mexico: Ron’s runner-up finish in 2010 reminded him that segunda place is really the primera loser. No mas, says he. Ron wants the title this year and is polishing his golden sombrero in anticipation of victory. Vegas, however, remains ambivalent due to his late season slide.
Odds: 6 to 1
Bud Fox: This item has been waiting years to write the line, “Blue Horseshoe loves Bud Fox.” Alas, with the Eurozone currently unpredictable as it is, you just can’t really bet on hotshot brokers right now. #DoNotOccupy these odds.
Odds: 8 to 1
Blossom Russo: “Whooooaaaa!” Somewhere, Joey Lawrence is smiling as Blossom Russo returns to the playoffs. Actually, that somewhere is right here next to me at the Tangiers pool. His gut has really, how you say, blossomed in the wrong way, kinda like his old pal’s playoff chances this year.
Odds: 10 to 1
Don Mattingly: The Donald’s transformation is complete. He has gone from being a pretty good player on a mediocre team to a mediocre manager that can occasionally deliver some pretty good picks, all thanks to his numbers man. His reward is finally clinching a playoff berth, but Vegas still bets that he’ll never make the Hall of Fame.
Odds: 12 to 1
The People’s Champ: The Champ is back punching at a welterweight class. A former heavy that has toiled the past few seasons with the lights, he has aims this year of reclaiming the belt. He’s even dusted off his Little Mac pink jogging suit to make a run at the title. The A.B.T. can only wish that one day he’ll wear pink too.
Odds: 12 to 1
Babe: Babe returns to the playoffs for another year, but this time he sneaks in on the last day as the last seed. That said, the pundits panned Green Bay and VCU last year and look what they did. In 2012 the pundits happen to like Babe – the problem here is that they like his chances in the upcoming XBOX Halo tournament and not so much in the FMFL playoffs.
Odds: 15 to 1
Rick Moranis: Chances that I’ll be writing this preview again next year? 2 to 1. Book it now, them some good odds. I’ll see you at the pool.
Wild Card Weekend Standings
| Babe | $0 |
| Blossom Russo | $0 |
| Bud Fox | $0 |
| Don Mattingly | $0 |
| Karl Farbman | $0 |
| Larisa Oleynik | $0 |
| Ron Mexico | $0 |
| The People’s Champ | $0 |
| Will Cover | $0 |
The Final Regular Season Report
Another regular season is in the books and we have our nine playoff teams. Overall, this was a banner year for the FMFL. Three franchises over $3,000, new single-season records for total dollars and winning percentage, and an all-time low for total fines. Before we get to the postseason, here’s a look back at how each franchise performed in 2011.
Disclaimer: The following is a completely biased report of the first eight weeks of the FMFL. The views, opinions, and observations that follow are those of the Executive Director and are completely subjective.
East Division
Karl Farbman
Total: $3,400
Winning Percentage: 0.697
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Did Not Use
Recap: Farbman surged to the top of the standings in November, but then idled in December before barely losing the overall title. He did win the East for the second straight year and set the single-season record for highest winning percentage in the regular season.
Grade: A
Kimmy Gibbler
Total: -$600
Winning Percentage: 0.528
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Lost – Buffalo – Week 9
Recap: Once Kimmy lost her wild card bet in Week 9, there was no coming back. She might be one franchise that has to rethink her betting strategy in 2012. Even though she hit on nearly 53% percent of her bets, she spent a lot of time below $0.
Grade: C-
Teddy KGB
Total: -$2,200
Winning Percentage: 0.406
Fines: $300
Wild Card Bet: Lost – Kansas City – Week 9
Recap: Oh, Teddy, Teddy, Teddy. Another year near the bottom of the standings. When he bet his wild card in Week 9, it was either going to turn his season around with eight weeks left, or sink him. 40% isn’t going to get it done, and Teddy might want to start betting some underdogs next year. Taking the heavy favorites week in and week out didn’t suit him well.
Grade: D-
The Notorious A.B.T.
Total: $400
Winning Percentage: 0.478
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Won – Pittsburgh – Week 10
Recap: Somehow, despite a winning percentage under 48%, the A.B.T. was in it until the bitter end. A loss and a push in the final week knocked him out of playoff contention. He seems like a franchise that is on the brink of breaking through, but just needs a few breaks to go his way. Unfortunately, he didn’t catch those breaks down the stretch.
Grade: B-
The People’s Champ
Total: $1,900
Winning Percentage: 0.610
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Did Not Use
Recap: The Champ made the playoffs and finished the season with a nice 5-for-5 week to pad his winning percentage. However, he couldn’t keep up with Karl Farbman in early November when Karl started to turn it on. Will his lack of strategy and overall intelligence come back to bite him in the playoffs? If history is any guide, we all know the Champ is a homer. He won the inaugural FMFL season in 2007 by riding his home team Giants all the way through the Super Bowl. TPC has already stated publicly that cruising on New York’s coattails will be his strategy for the playoffs.
Grade: B+
The Phoenix
Total: -$1,400
Winning Percentage: 0.471
Fines: $200
Wild Card Bet: Lost – Atlanta – Week 13
Recap: The Phoenix was surprisingly punctual with his bets early in the season and looked like he was going to hang around near the wild card contenders. However, he wasn’t able to keep up with the rest of the pack and dropped off. Still, this season was better than most for the Phoenix.
Grade: C-
The 21th Precinct
Total: -$300
Winning Percentage: 0.469
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Won – Pittsburgh – Week 10
Recap: The Precinct couldn’t gain any momentum in the second half of the season, despite staying in contention through Thanksgiving. His New Year’s resolution might be to improve on his 47% success rate in 2012.
Grade: C
North Division
Babe
Total: $1,300
Winning Percentage: 0.544
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Won – Baltimore – Week 12
Recap: Babe is a tough franchise to figure out. One minute he’s at the bottom of the barrel (losing $500 in Week 16) and the next he’s making a miraculous comeback to make the playoffs (winning $500 in Week 17). Babe bet two teams each week all season long, and though some may have questioned that theory as he could’ve gone the conservative route down the stretch to guarantee his playoff spot, you can’t argue with the results. He’ll be dangerous in the postseason for sure.
Grade: B-
Kiko Garcia
Total: -$2,600
Winning Percentage: 0.402
Fines: $800
Wild Card Bet: Won – Carolina – Week 7
Recap: Sophomore slump? Kiko looked to be getting back into the race right around the midpoint of the season, but then dropped game after game in the second half. KG was also the only franchises to suffer the dreaded $600 fine for not making any bets during a given week. After such a strong showing in 2010, the two-headed monster has a lot to mull over during the offseason.
Grade: F
Larisa Oleynik
Total: $3,600
Winning Percentage: 0.662
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Won – Detroit – Week 4
Recap: Not much else to say about Larisa other than this: she’s by far the hottest (both literally and figuratively) franchise going into the playoffs. In the last month of the season, she rose to the top of the standings and finished it off with a $500 week to win the overall title and set the single-season total record. The defending champ only lost one game last season during the playoffs and in my book is the odds-on favorite to win it this year.
Grade: A+
Mr. DeBlasis
Total: -$800
Winning Percentage: 0.432
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Won – Cleveland – Week 15
Recap: DeBlasis never could get over the hump in 2011. In winning only 43% of his bets, it’s actually surprising that he didn’t end up farther down the standings. It might be time for DeBlasis to start wagering a Babe-esque two games a week to cut down on the mediocrity.
Grade: C
T-Ferg
Total: -$1,100
Winning Percentage: 0.412
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Won – New Orleans – Week 9
Recap: T-Ferg is another franchise that looked primed to pounce after a strong 2010, but he couldn’t put it together in 2011. More often than not, he was betting the public favorites, and eventually that catches up with any bettor. He’ll look to improve on his 41% success rate next season.
Grade: D+
The Beard of Zeus
Total: $1,100
Winning Percentage: 0.550
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Did Not Use
Recap: A rough December for The Beard has him on the outside looking in for the playoffs. It’s shocking to see that he’ll be on the sidelines after winning 55% of his games. He might have to blame his betting strategy in Week 17. He was protecting a lead and just had to win $100 to make the playoffs. Instead he went down in flames. He’s one franchise that would’ve been a force in the postseason.
Grade: C
Yaz
Total: $300
Winning Percentage: 0.529
Fines: $200
Wild Card Bet: Lost – Tampa Bay – Week 15
Recap: A recipe for a ho-hum Funny Money season: add a mediocre winning percentage, a lost wild card bet in December, and a dash of late bets. Stir thoroughly. Yaz ended up $1,000 out of the playoffs, which could be looked at as being unlucky on a few bets this season. But the awful wild card bet on Tampa Bay in Week 15? Out of character for this seasoned Funny Money veteran.
Grade: D+
South Division
Bayonnaise
Total: -$1,700
Winning Percentage: 0.420
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Lost – San Francisco – Week 17
Recap: The ‘Naise was a high draft pick in the divisional draft last September, and he might be a first-rounder again in 2012. Although he has definitely improved on his betting tardiness, Bayonnaise can’t seem to keep up with the rest of the field as the season wears on. By November/December, he was too far back to make a run.
Grade: D+
Boss Hardigan
Total: $1,000
Winning Percentage: 0.500
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Won – Baltimore – Week 17
Recap: The Boss needed two games to go his way in Week 17 to make the playoffs, and unfortunately the Lions did him in. He had another strong showing this season, but can’t seem to get into the upper echelon of Funny Money franchises. Hardigan himself blames the constant distraction of being in the same division as his biological brother, Slovy Maximus, as affecting his focus. He’ll have until next September to figure out what went wrong during the final weeks of 2011.
Grade: B-
Don Mattingly
Total: $1,700
Winning Percentage: 0.541
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Won – New England – Week 15
Recap: Don turned his season around in the second half and rode a big Week 15 to take the lead in his division. However, it was short lived as he botched his Week 16 bets and ended up just $200 out of the lead. Still, he made the playoffs for the first time, and one has to assume it’s because of the Donald’s new ownership structure. Two chefs in the kitchen has been helpful thus far, but DM’s playoff inexperience and overall paranoia might be his final downfall.
Grade: B+
Mr. Marbles
Total: $800
Winning Percentage: 0.529
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Won – Pittsburgh – Week 10
Recap: Marbles had a strong finish to the season, but it was too little, too late. A rough November and early December were crippling to his season. After hand picking his division before the start of 2011, MM did a pretty good job of selecting weak divisional opponents. But that didn’t help him much since he couldn’t contend down the stretch.
Grade: C
Rick Moranis
Total: $100
Winning Percentage: 0.488
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Lost – Baltimore – Week 15
Recap: Rick finished on the positive side of $0, but some will forget that with five weeks to go he was on the cusp of making a run at the division. A poor December and a failed wild card bet put the kibosh on his playoff hopes. But it’s clear he’s not the doormat that he was in the first few seasons of the FMFL.
Grade: C-
Slovy Maximus
Total: -$600
Winning Percentage: 0.457
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Won – Cincinnati – Week 5
Recap: It was a disappointing season for Slovy, who was inconsistent all year. Despite winning his wild card bet early, he never gained any momentum in a division that was up for grabs around midseason. He’ll look back on the 2011 FMFL season as a learning experience.
Grade: D+
Will Cover
Total: $1,900
Winning Percentage: 0.554
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Did Not Use
Recap: Will got hot right around Thanksgiving and cruised to the division crown without having to use his wild card bet. The litmus test was in Week 16, when trailing in the division for the first time in a month, he won $500 and got back into the driver’s seat. He’ll be a tough team in the playoffs, and will enjoy selecting his divisional opponents in 2012.
Grade: A-
West Division
Art Schlichter
Total: -$1,400
Winning Percentage: 0.429
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Won – New Orleans – Week 4
Recap: Few would have predicted that Art would be in the standings cellar at the end of the season, but that’s the case. Despite winning his wild card bet, he failed to put together a solid week for the majority of the season. Is his lack of focus bringing him down? Or is he focusing too much on gambling ventures which is clouding his judgment?
Grade: D
Blossom Russo
Total: $2,500
Winning Percentage: 0.588
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Won – Chicago – Week 11
Recap: Blossom closed the season with a strong run that put her near the top of the overall standings. She’ll look back at the regular season and wonder what could have been if she would have had a stronger start. But looking ahead, she’s a playoff team with experience and a hot hand.
Grade: A-
Bud Fox
Total: $3,000
Winning Percentage: 0.612
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Won – Houston – Week 12
Recap: Bud had all the right moves in 2011, and showed once again that rookies can dominate right out of the gate. He used his diversified approach to build a strong winning percentage and total, and was able to hold off Blossom and others to win the division and finish just behind the overall leader. The playoffs are a different animal, however, but Bud is a franchise to watch in the postseason.
Grade: A
Face
Total: -$1,300
Winning Percentage: 0.412
Fines: $500
Wild Card Bet: Won – Green Bay – Week 5
Recap: Face had flashes of brilliance this season and weeks where he looked like a playoff contender. But fines and too many -$500 weeks were his undoing this year. One wonders if he has the gusto to keep up with the young bucks or if he’ll be a step behind again next season.
Grade: D+
Gordon Bombay
Total: $800
Winning Percentage: 0.615
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Lost – Green Bay – Week 15
Recap: It was Bombay’s division to lose at the midpoint of the season, and he did just that. Despite a gaudy winning percentage, he lost in December when it mattered most, including his wild card bet. He had a chance in Week 17 to make a furious comeback, but couldn’t get it together and will be a bystander for the playoffs this year.
Grade: C
Ron Mexico
Total: $1,300
Winning Percentage: 0.590
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Lost – Philadelphia – Week 5
Recap: Ron is one of the few franchises that was able to recover from losing his wild card bet to make the postseason. However, his Week 17 strategy with a comfortable lead to make the playoffs was puzzling. He lost $500 and was lucky to sneak in and enters the postseason on a down note.
Grade: B-
Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Total: $600
Winning Percentage: 0.489
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Won – Pittsburgh – Week 10
Recap: Waldo got caught up in the December blues with a few other franchises in the West, and failed to keep up with the rest of the pack. He finished just outside the playoff teams, but can be applauded for staying in it with a sub-0.500 winning percentage.
Grade: C+
2011 FMFL Playoff Field
Congratulations to the following franchises that have qualified for the 2011 FMFL Playoffs:
Karl Farbman (East Division Champion)
Larisa Oleynik (North Division Champion)
Will Cover (South Division Champion)
Bud Fox (West Division Champion)
Blossom Russo (Wild Card Berth)
The People’s Champ (Wild Card Berth)
Don Mattingly (Wild Card Berth)
Ron Mexico (Wild Card Berth)
Babe (Wild Card Berth)
All of the division winners will remain in their divisions for the 2012 season and will take place in the 2012 Divisional Draft.
Final Regular Season Standings
East
| Karl Farbman | $3,400 |
| The People’s Champ | $1,900 |
| The Notorious A.B.T. | $400 |
| The 21th Precinct | -$300 |
| Kimmy Gibbler | -$600 |
| The Phoenix | -$1,400 |
| Teddy KGB | -$2,200 |
North
| Larisa Oleynik | $3,600 |
| Babe | $1,300 |
| The Beard of Zeus | $1,100 |
| Yaz | $300 |
| Mr. DeBlasis | -$800 |
| T-Ferg | -$1,100 |
| Kiko Garcia | -$2,600 |
South
| Will Cover | $1,900 |
| Don Mattingly | $1,700 |
| Boss Hardigan | $1,000 |
| Mr. Marbles | $800 |
| Rick Moranis | $100 |
| Slovy Maximus | -$600 |
| Bayonnaise | -$1,700 |
West
| Bud Fox | $3,000 |
| Blossom Russo | $2,500 |
| Ron Mexico | $1,300 |
| Gordon Bombay | $800 |
| Waldo Geraldo Faldo | $600 |
| Face | -$1,300 |
| Art Schlichter | -$1,400 |
Overall Leader
| Larisa Oleynik | $3,600 |
| Karl Farbman | $3,400 |
| Bud Fox | $3,000 |
| Blossom Russo | $2,500 |
| Will Cover | $1,900 |
Final Wild Card Standings
| Blossom Russo | $2,500 |
| The People’s Champ | $1,900 |
| Don Mattingly | $1,700 |
| Ron Mexico | $1,300 |
| Babe | $1,300 |
—————————————–
| The Beard of Zeus | $1,100 |
| Boss Hardigan | $1,000 |
| Gordon Bombay | $800 |
| Mr. Marbles | $800 |
| Waldo Geraldo Faldo | $600 |
Week 17 Picks
