Week 9 Lines
Note: Bets must be placed by Saturday night at midnight in order to be considered on time.
The Midseason Report
Gentlemen – We are just about halfway done with the 2014 season. Last year at this point the league was at a historic low point. This season, we are collectively doing much better, but no one franchise is totally breaking away from the rest. There are a handful of familiar names from last year’s playoffs in contention right now, but also a few surprises and newcomers (Don Mattingly, Dr. Oge to name a few).
Here’s a breakdown of how the league did as a whole each week:
Week 1: -$7,400
Week 2: +$400
Week 3: +$5,200
Week 4: -$2,800
Week 5: -$1,400
Week 6: -$1,900
Week 7: +$1,200
Week 8: -$1,200
That’s a cumulative total of -$7,900. Not as bad as last year, but Vegas is still winning. Now, onto the grades.
Disclaimer: The following is a completely biased report of the first eight weeks of the FMFL. The views, opinions, and observations that follow are those of the Executive Director and are completely subjective.
East Division
Art Schlichter
Current Total: $100
Winning Percentage: 0.412
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 7 – Dallas – Won
Recap: Art struggled out of the gate in 2014, but has rallied over the last few weeks, sparked by his wild card win on the Cowboys in Week 7. He’s in good position to make a playoff run and challenge for the division.
Grade: B
Babe
Current Total: -$900
Winning Percentage: 0.455
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 4 – Atlanta – Lost
Recap: Considering how disappointing Babe’s performance has been this season, he should be happy with where he stands right now. He lost his wild card bet and struggled to figure out which way was up early in the year, but a recent perfect week could build him some momentum for the second half.
Grade: C-
Don Mattingly
Current Total: $1,100
Winning Percentage: 0.529
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 8 – New Orleans – Won
Recap: The two-headed monster that is the Donald see-saw between contender and pretender for most of the first seven weeks of the season. Then a big wild card win last week has created some separation from him and the rest of the East. There are nine weeks left for him to blow this lead, and given this franchise’s history, the smart money is on a meltdown.
Grade: A-
Gordon Bombay
Current Total: -$200
Winning Percentage: 0.522
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: There weren’t many signs of life from the veteran Bombay in the early parts of 2014, yet he is on the cusp of the playoff bubble (as usual). He’s a franchise to fear for the rest of the season.
Recap: Enter
Grade: B-
Karl Farbman
Current Total: $0
Winning Percentage: 0.469
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: After eight weeks, Karl is back at even money, but his winning percentage and inconsistency this year have been far from intimidating. At the very least, he’s handsome.
Grade: B
T-Ferg
Current Total: $0
Winning Percentage: 0.500
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Much like Karl, T-Ferg sits at even with nine weeks to go. Last year, T-Ferg threw in the towel with a month left in the season. Some have said he doesn’t have the staying power to handle the marathon that is the FMFL.
Grade: B
The Big Hurt
Current Total: -$100
Winning Percentage: 0.460
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: The Big Hurt enjoyed several weeks near the top of the East standings, but a series of miscues has him $1,200 off the lead. Sources say there is dissention among the ranks of this partnership, with one co-owner desiring to subscribe strictly to Costanza’s “Law of Opposites” when making picks.
Grade: B-
Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Current Total: -$500
Winning Percentage: 0.565
Fines: $600
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Things were going well for Waldo until he failed to place his bets in Week 8. He blames a rare condition in which he must get twelve hours of sleep every night for preventing him to get up and make his bets.
Grade: C+
North Division
Abe Froman
Current Total: -$500
Winning Percentage: 0.476
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: New to the FMFL, but no stranger to the format, Abe has been disappointing so far. He can make a run, but in the North Division will need to hit on his wild card to make any noise.
Grade: C+
Bayonnaise
Current Total: -$1,200
Winning Percentage: 0.529
Fines: $600
Wild Card Bet: Week 5 – New Orleans – Lost
Recap: Many uncharacteristic mistakes were made by the Naise in the first half of the season, including not placing his bets and losing his wild card bet on the Saints in Week 5. There is time for him to catch up, but some fear that the Bayonnaise we came to know and love in the early (downtrodden) years of this franchises are back.
Grade: D
Kenny Powers
Current Total: $1,100
Winning Percentage: 0.550
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 8 – Houston – Won
Recap: Like a snake in the grass, Kenny slithered around for the first seven weeks, then came out to play with a $1,000 Week 8 profit. He’ just $100 off of the lead and now must prove he has the staying power to contend for a division crown.
Grade: A-
Larisa Oleynik
Current Total: -$900
Winning Percentage: 0.375
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: There was an era in which Larisa was feared, not only because of her confidence and wit, but also because of her ability to dominate picking games. That era seems to be over, unless she can turn things around in November.
Grade: D+
OJ
Current Total: $400
Winning Percentage: 0.500
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: The Juice left his old life partner (Don Mattingly) behind in the offseason and went out on his own. He has shown moments of brilliance in 2014, but hasn’t put it together enough to give the division leader a run for his money. And he’s now even $700 worse off than the Donald. Did he make the right move? Sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.
Grade: A-
Shecky
Current Total: -$600
Winning Percentage: 0.423
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Another greenhorn to our league, Shecky came highly touted as one of the great minds in football prognostication. We’ve yet to see much of that this season, but he might be someone to watch come December.
Grade: C+
The People’s Champ
Current Total: -$1,200
Winning Percentage: 0.333
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: The Champ has gone the way of Larisa yet again this season, not able to gain any traction to move up the standings. But hey, if the Giants cover eight games in a row, he’ll probably be back on top.
Grade: D
The Phoenix
Current Total: $1,200
Winning Percentage: 0.647
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: The Phoenix has been a model of consistency the first half of the year, spending just about every week as the king of the North. Now he has Kenny Powers nipping at his heels, but he looks like a safe bet to at least make the playoffs.
Grade: A
South Division
Bud Fox
Current Total: $600
Winning Percentage: 0.591
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Bud has eked out money week after week in order to stay in contention in the South. This division definitely looks to be a two-horse race, and the big advantage for Bud right now is that he still has his wild card bet on the shelf.
Grade: A-
Chris B. Corey
Current Total: -$1,600
Winning Percentage: 0.375
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Many in the Funny Money Football League were anticipating CBC’s triumphant return to the league, some saying they haven’t been this excited since Ma$e’s comeback in 2004. However, Chris has been awful this season.
Grade: F
Face
Current Total: $0
Winning Percentage: 0.361
Fines: -$1,300
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Face’s heart seems to be on the west coast, as he’s bet Seattle and San Francisco repeatedly this year, with the results speaking for themselves. Since his downward spiral began, he’s been eating only beef jerky, popcorn, and soft service ice cream, hoping to turn things around.
Grade: D-
Kiko Garcia
Current Total: $700
Winning Percentage: 0.500
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 2 – New England – Won
Recap: Kiko made his move at the right time. He won his wild card bet in Week 2 and jumped to the top of the standings in the South. It could be a back and forth battle between Kiko and Bud the rest of the way.
Grade: A-
Kimmy Gibbler
Current Total: -$300
Winning Percentage: 0.421
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 5 – Seattle – Won
Recap: There was nowhere to go but down for Kimmy after her torrid 2013 campaign that included a double-dip. She’s been mediocre this year despite a wild card win, but is still within a shout of a playoff spot, and she’s been here before.
Grade: C+
Mr. Marbles
Current Total: -$2,000
Winning Percentage: 0.222
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: When you are being talked about in the same company as Chris B. Corey, you know you’ve hit rock bottom.
Grade: F
The 21th Precinct
Current Total: -$1,200
Winning Percentage: 0.400
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: The Precinct hasn’t strung together many winners in the first half of the year, but history has told us that if he hangs around long enough, he could be a player down the stretch. We just haven’t seen that potential yet in 2014.
Grade: D-
The Beard of Zeus
Current Total: -$1,800
Winning Percentage: 0.313
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: A poor first half of the season. At this point, the Beard is better off picking teams out of a hat each week. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.
Grade: F
West Division
Blossom Russo
Current Total: $400
Winning Percentage: 0.524
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Blossom is in the mix in the hotly contested West Division, and would be in the playoffs if the season ended today. No one in the West has used his or her wild card bet yet, so this may be a matter of who blinks first.
Grade: A-
Boss Hardigan
Current Total: $200
Winning Percentage: 0.556
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: The boss of all bosses is clinging to one of the final playoff spots right now. In the past, he has tailed off in the months of November and December. His stamina will be tested this year, if of course he can hang around.
Grade: B+
Dr. Oge
Current Total: $800
Winning Percentage: 0.548
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Oge has slowly climbed his way up the division and sits atop of the West right now. He’s bet on a lot of games, but keeps on trending in the right direction. One wonders if his mind will be bogged down by his other 24 fantasy leagues when crunch time rolls around in the FMFL.
Grade: A-
Rick Moranis
Current Total: -$400
Winning Percentage: 0.450
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Rick hasn’t had a terrible season, but he’s in last in the West and will need his future wife’s picks to start coming through for him in the second half. He also chalks up his lackluster performance in the first half to hearing the announcement about the all-female remake of Ghostbusters.
Grade: C
Ron Mexico
Current Total: -$200
Winning Percentage: 0.500
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Historically, Ron’s winning percentage is solid and always makes him a contender, but he dropped off a bit after a strong start and has gone up $100 or down $100 for most of the first half.
Grade: C+
Teddy KGB
Current Total: -$200
Winning Percentage: 0.471
Fines: $200
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Coming off a division title, Teddy has been relegated to the bottom of the West for most of the year. He hasn’t helped himself, turning in bets late twice thus far. Anyone in the division (including Teddy) could make a leap with a wild card bet, but who has the stones to do it?
Grade: C+
The Notorious ABT
Current Total: $600
Winning Percentage: 0.571
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Before the season began, The Notorious ABT registered with a note guaranteeing that he would make the playoffs. Critics laughed at the idea of the ABT franchise putting together a strong performance in the FMFL. Who will have the last laugh? He’s right on Dr. Oge’s heels for the division crown.
Grade: A-
Yaz
Current Total: $0
Winning Percentage: 0.500
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Recap: Up and down for Yaz in 2014, but his in the middle of the pack in the division and just one good week from being in prime playoff position. He hasn’t yet fallen asleep watching old Andy Griffith episodes on a Saturday night, having forgotten to place his bets, so that’s a positive.
Grade: B+
Midseason Wager Count
Midseason Percentages and Wild Cards
Week 9 Standings
Week 8 Picks
Week 8 Lines
Note: Bets must be placed by Saturday night at midnight in order to be considered on time.
Week 7 Recap: Winners & Losers
Winners
The big winner overall in Week 7 was Art Schlichter. He nailed his wild card and hit his other bet to win $1,000 on the week and jump back into the tightened race in the East….Don’t look now, but The People’s Champ is making some noise from the North Division cellar. He won $500 and looks to ride this momentum into Week 8….Kiko Garcia keeps things going in the South. He’s not breaking away, but only has one viable competitor at this point….Teddy KGB finally made a move in the West, but was fined for the second straight week. If his bets were on time, he would be just $400 off the lead.
Losers
Can Babe catch a break? He’s the only one not in contention in the East Division, but there’s still a long way to go….Most in the North had mediocre results, so it’s time to point out that Larisa Oleynik, a once feared and storied franchise, is still woefully behind in the division race….The Beard of Zeus and Mr. Marbles both dropped $500, and both are right at home in the lackluster South….Blossom Russo couldn’t take the heat of the West race and lost $500 in Week 8.
Week 8 Standings
Week 7 Picks
