As I See It: Rick Moranis
As part of a new running feature, each Friday one franchise owner will have the opportunity to write whatever they want in this space. This week’s columnist is none other than last year’s regular season champion – Rick Moranis. Rick, take it away….
“Do you believe in miracles?”
Ever since Al Michaels rhetorically asked the nation the above question in the winter of 1980, sports commentators everywhere have endeavored to apply the miraculous tag to any upset. It must have been something extraordinary and supernatural that spurred little David on to victory over mighty Goliath, right? Hard work and intuition, yeah those are nice, but David can thank Lady Luck and the heavens for his moment of success. They like to say, “Well, that was a swell story.” File it under “miracles” and call up David every five years for a milestone puff piece. It’s time to find another miracle somewhere else.
But David had no intention of going away, didn’t he? In a league full of gentlemen (even those who on the weekends pretend to be women – Larisa) where the majority had to sit through years of parochial school Old Testament classes, we should all remember that the diminutive Israelite became a great king after slaying the giant Philistine. He took down the beast, but then ruled over all, proving that this was his destiny all along. David would have had no use for Al Michaels.
Enter me, Rick Moranis. For two years I wallowed in the shadows of Funny Money “Goliaths,” betting poorly, forgetting to bet, hemorrhaging money and finally throwing darts at a wall in hopes of choosing a winner. Those two years, gentlemen, were merely practice for what ultimately manifested last year. Just as David had trained to master slinging his stone, I was throwing darts to finally master how to always bet against The Chiefs. That practice paid off and last year, in Year Three, I was rightfully crowned Regular Season King.
I see that Rick Moranis has been curiously left out of the preseason Top Ten. Very well, but allow me to conclude with one last history lesson. Once David became king he ruled for forty years. I think you’re all going to need a miracle this year.
Cheers,
King Richard Moranis I
