TSR’s 2011 Fantasy Funny Money Preview
By: Don Mattingly aka The Talented Senor Roto
It’s that time of year again. Time to dust off the old cowboy hat, gorge yourself on the Talented Senorita Roto’s famous guac, sit around the table, and draft your Fantasy Funny Money teams. This is where the Talented Senor Roto comes in to help. Now typically, I would start this column by going on a seven paragraph diatribe about some sexy, obscure actress, throwing in a bunch of horn-tooting jokes about my college years (quantity over quality…am I right? Or am I right?), and then relating it all back to DeSean Jackson, but it appears as though the Talented Funny Money Website Editor Roto is giving me the signal to get right to the chase…and thus…
When breaking down the Funny Money Fantasy prospects, it’s important to look at things by division since the division race typically can alter a player’s betting habits and, therefore, affect their fantasy value.
EAST DIVISION
STUD: KARL FARBMAN – In a fairly mediocre division, you don’t have to go too far to find the cream of the crop. He’ll easily outperform his ADP.
BUST: THE 21TH PRECINCT – Out of all teams with career winnings, 21th rolls in with the lowest winning percentage (.485). That doesn’t bode well in my draft rankings.
SLEEPER: THE PEOPLE’S CHAMP – People will see the career loss of $1,000, but what they fail to see is a career 90 wins and a .538 winning percentage. Sneakily grab him in the second or third round of your draft and he’ll pay instant dividends.
SUPER SLEEPER (HIGH RISK/HIGH REWARD): THE NOTORIOUS A.B.T. – Watch out for third year players. Sometimes it takes that long to learn the system.
NORTH DIVISION
STUD: MR. DEBLASIS – He flies a little lower under the radar, especially in this division, but 95 career wins makes him a must have in my book. He’s currently going in the early second round in most mock drafts, but to me he’s first round talent.
BUST: THE BEARD OF ZEUS – HATE HATE HATE…TSR is drinking the Hateorade on The Beard. The Beard broke two of TSR’s three key rules to life – don’t get married before the age of thirty and never…never…NEVER AUTODRAFT!!! The other, obviously being, never get less than 10 hours sleep.
As a great man once said, “I will attack you with the North” and I love the North division as a whole, but like I said, division strength adversely affects fantasy value. Every team in this division is a solid fantasy pick, and like my old adage, don’t pay for saves, you can get great value from these teams in the 5th maybe 6th rounds of your draft!
SOUTH DIVISION
STUD: MR. MARBLES – Head and shoulders above anyone else in this division. His career winnings are $5,500. Next best in his division is a whopping -$200. Pick him number one overall on draft day and feel confident you won’t be walking on Marbles!
BUST: RICK MORANIS – In a division this pathetic, how do you even pick a bust? As Dave Grohl once said while sitting at CVP, “it’s times like these” where you just have to find a perennial bust, and in that case, look no further than Rick. Don’t let that big year a couple seasons ago fool you. Much like the Foo Fighters themselves, this clown is an absolute bust!
SLEEPER: BAYONNAISE – For a team with negative dollar signs, he has a sneaky good career winning percentage (.519) and amount of career wins (81). If a few field goals went his way in the past, he may be sitting near the top of the leader board.
SUPER SLEEPER (HIGH RISK/HIGH REWARD): DON MATTINGLY – If you’re reading into the hype, you may as well take a late draft flier on Donnie this season. The well documented management change has vowed to never pick the Chiefs again, which should help his wallet, but be warned: Titans picks may be on the rise.
WEST DIVISION
STUD: GORDON BOMBAY – Every preseason Gord’s Gold gets lambasted with the BUST moniker and every season Gord takes it in stride and just keeps winning. His 99 career wins is tops all time, not to mention a meaty $4,600 in the bank. I wouldn’t take him first overall, but if he’s around near the end of the first round of your draft, you’d be a fool not to take him.
BUST: RON MEXICO – FMFL has a history of one and done rookie phenoms. In TSR’s opinion, let’s add Ron to the list.
SLEEPER: ART SCHLICHTER – THIRD YEAR PLAYERS…THIRD YEAR PLAYERS…THIRD YEAR PLAYERS! He’s on the brink and TSR thinks this is the year he puts it all together!
There you have it. As my doctor once told me, “Hindsight is 20/20, my friend.” So don’t come knocking on my door if these picks are terrible.
Don Mattingly – The Talented Senor Roto – is the creator of the site FunnyMoneyFantasies.org where he can be humiliated and stalked at will.
Follow Don on Twitter: @FantasyMustache
