Welcome to 2013 from Bayonnaise
(Editor’s note: The 2012 winner, Bayonnaise, has graciously contributed some wisdom as we kick off the 2013 season. His message is below.)
I’d like to start by wishing a happy 30th birthday to our very own Rick Moranis…he just keeps getting younger and younger…I just don’t know how he pulls it off.
Gentlemen of Funny Money – as we approach Labor Day and the official end of summer, the days grow shorter and perhaps a bit cooler, delicious fall-edition beers beckon to us from behind the glass at your favorite convenient store, and the NFL preseason hype is at its peak. Most importantly, the thrill of a fresh Funny Money season is now upon us.
I’d like to offer up some tried and true advice on betting habits that just might lead you to the championship season that we can all envision ourselves achieving right now. Here are my five tips on what matters, and what matters not with respect to your pre-bet ritual:
1.) Betting day breakfast
If you are the “eh, I don’t really eat breakfast, I’m good with coffee” type, then you’re doing yourself a huge disservice. Betting without any food in the stomach can lead to irrational, spur-of-the-moment bets. Too much coffee can also lead to excess excitement over a Russell Wilson or RGIII highlight from the previous week, which have been known to alter betting behavior.
Matters
2.) Wearing your “good luck” jersey/socks/whatever flavor applies to you:
I’ve gone several weeks without washing my favorite jersey after a $500 week (it might not be a coincidence that I was single at the time) only to see a poor betting performance AND my favorite team lose. Don’t worry about your game-watching garb, and don’t hide from Tide.
Doesn’t matter
3.) NFL analyst predictions:
I would be embarrassed to admit how many times I’ve let the prediction of a Mark Schlereth-type overrule my gut-feeling on the possible outcome of a game. Yes, I know, they deliver their opinions with such conviction! Skip all the TV analyst banter. You’ll have the added bonus of freeing up some space on the DVR without needing to record all those NFL Live episodes that you’ll never watch.
Don’t matter
4.) Opinions of your buddies, or that guy in the office with whom you only talk about sports:
Same concept. The favorite team bias comes into play here, as does something they knew about a team 3 weeks ago, which ends up being irrelevant for the current week’s game. Or worse….they may have been brainwashed by an analyst while eating their corn flakes.
Don’t matter
And finally, perhaps the single largest offender that has a detrimental effect on betting success, unbeknownst to the innocent football-watching male in our society….is:
5.) Letting your wife/girlfriend monopolize time that you know should be spent re-connecting with your inner betting genius:
“Honey, sweetie, let’s take the dog out to the park!”
“Honey, can you fix the door on the back porch today? “
Just like that. Precious minutes of your Saturday (if you’re like me and wait until the day bets are due) STOLEN from you when you need to be focusing on what’s ultimately most important in life – your Funny Money bets. Let’s face it – what’s more valuable – some lovey-dovey time at the park or time spent doing your OWN prep work and learning that a red-hot Andrew Luck is going up against a Swiss cheese secondary on Sunday…leading you to cash in and cruise into the week-long sweet aftertaste of victory. I think you know the answer.
Matters
My hope is that you all have gained an insight or two to take with you into this brand new season. I wish you all the best luck, with the exception of those in my division, and we’ll see ya on the weekly standings.
Yours truly,
Bayonnaise
