Welcome to the 2015 Season from Gordon Bombay
(Editor’s note: The 2014 winner, Gordon Bombay, has graciously contributed some wisdom as we kick off the 2015 season. His message is below.)
All alone in an empty parking lot just outside of Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Hello friends. I’d like to thank the Executive Director for giving me the opportunity to welcome the 2015 season with a few words.
[presses pause on Sony Discman w/ 8x anti-skip and Mega Bass technology]
As owner of one of the founding franchises, it is my pleasure to offer my thoughts on what should be another great season of Funny Money Football. In my eight years of experience in the league, I have seen and experienced all of the drama and excitement this league gives us for five months of the year.
[finishes untying rollerblades and changes into a pair of Reebok high-tops]
There have been dominant teams, commanding the competition for an entire season. There have been early season bottom feeders fighting to the top and into the playoffs. The proper timing of one’s Wild Card bet can make or break a franchise, especially in the final weeks of the season. Gone are the days of competing with only a few franchises, betting on Thursday night games, and relying on at least two other franchises to not submit picks and rack up the penalties. Funny Money Football has grown. The teams have matured and the competition is as fierce as ever.
[removes backwards hat and wafts hand through flowing auburn locks of hair]
As for my story leading up to finally winning last season, I have always been a product of hard work and determination. A model leader in any circumstance.
(was a former lawyer pulled over for DWI and court-ordered to coach failing Pee Wee hockey team)
As my friend and mentor Hans once told me, “Gordon, I taught ya how to skate, I taught ya how to score. I taught ya how to go for the W. Don’t let Iceland have their way with you. Give em’ the Triple Deke!” Hans ended up dying….BUT HIS WORDS LIVE ON!
[puts on COACH BOMBAY jacket with leather sleeves smelling like a bad combination of Old Spice, Right Guard and Heineken]
Through consistency and conservative thinking, I have fought each year to remain competitive. Ducks never die. Here we are, preparing for the ninth season of FMFL. The familiar faces of the 31 returning franchises welcome our expansion team, Chalky Studebaker. With the hot days of summer behind us and kickoff looming I would like to wish each and every one of you the best of luck. Here’s to another great season of Funny Money Football!
[raises fist. queue orchestral theme song]
[cut to slow motion shot of ducks flying in V formation over trees before fading to black]
