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2009 Funny Money Football League

THE MIDSEASON REPORT

(Disclaimer: All of the opinions expressed throughout this report are completely subjective and are the personal views of the Executive Director.)


EAST

Boss Hardigan
Total: $100
Winning Percentage: .600
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Philadelphia; Week 6 – Lost

Comment: Hardigan has showed signs of life in 2009, but the last few weeks he has been hovering around mediocrity. He already used his WC and will need to get hot in the second half if he wants to make a run at the division.

Grade: C+


Brian Piccolo
Total: -$500
Winning Percentage: .429
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Indianapolis; Week 7 – Won

Comment: A few weeks ago, Brian was left for dead in the cellar of the division. Since then he has won his wild card bet and has avoided falling further away from the rest of the division. He has been a letdown overall, and needs to make up a $2,000 deficit. But I’ve seen stranger things happen in less time.

Grade: C-


Gordon Bombay
Total: -$500
Winning Percentage: .409
Fines: $100
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: Historically, Bombay has been one of the most successful franchise owners in league history. Yet, in ’09 he has drastically underachieved. His winning percentage has slipped. Is this all due to the fact that he ended his living arrangements with FMFL owner Don Mattingly? All signs point to yes. Yet, with a wild card bet still in his back pocket, I wouldn’t count him out.

Grade: D


Kimmy Gibbler
Total: -$1,800
Winning Percentage: .375
Fines: $600
Wild Card: Tennessee; Week 4 – Lost

Comment: At the beginning of the season, pundits were wondering which Gibbler would show up. The one from 2007, who performed terribly? Or the one from 2008 who won his division? Kimmy hasn’t recaptured any of last season’s magic. Instead, he lost his wild card bet, failed to make picks two weeks ago, then lost $500 the last week. Stick a fork in him. He’s done.

Grade: D-


Larisa Oleynik
Total: $1,500
Winning Percentage: .611
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Green Bay; Week 7 – Won

Comment: Larisa Oleynik took a different approach to the FMFL. Two co-managers making the picks each week. It paid off in the beginning, as they got off to a torrid pace. Then things got shaky, but in Week 7 they righted the ship with a wild card win. However, their lead is slim and as rookies will they be able to survive nine more grueling weeks? So far so good, but there is a long way to go.

Grade: A-


Teddy KGB
Total: $1,400
Winning Percentage: .632
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: KGB was up and down for the first part of 2009, but in recent weeks has come on strong and now only trails the division leading Larisa Oleynik by $100. He still has his big bet available, but the question is when he should place it. We should not soon forget Teddy’s second half collapse last season, when he went from playoff contender to pretender in a span of four winless weeks.

Grade: B+


The Notorious A.B.T.
Total: -$1,200
Winning Percentage: .381
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: Another rookie in the league, the A.B.T. is yet to hit a hot streak. Instead he has slowly but surely declined. Right now, he remains $1,200 behind his arch-nemesis, The People’s Champ. When asked to comment, the Notorious A.B.T. said, “I don’t care if I win my division. All I want to do is finish higher than The People’s Champ. That’s all that matters to me.”

Grade: D+


NORTH

Art Schlichter
Total: $700
Winning Percentage: .636
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Indianapolis; Week 8 – Lost

Comment: In his first year in the league, Art jumped out to a successful start, vying for the lead for most of the season. However, just last week he lost his wild card and $1,000 for the week. He is holding on for dear life as he is on the cusp of not making the playoffs. His winning percentage is solid and he has made shrewd bets thus far (except for last week). If he can bounce back in the next two or three weeks, he has a good shot at the playoffs.

Grade: B-


Babe
Total: $1,400
Winning Percentage: .688
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: There is not much negative that can be said about someone who hits on almost seventy percent of their bets. But I will say something negative anyways. In the last couple of weeks, Babe has had a chance to distance himself from the rest of the North, but failed to do so. After losing $500 last week, he is now trailing in the division after leading for almost the whole first half. In the remaining weeks, these teams are sure to shuffle around quite a bit since only two North teams have used their wild cards.

Grade: B+


Blossom Russo
Total: $100
Winning Percentage: .474
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Minnesota; Week 5 – Won

Comment: Along with Gordon Bombay, Blossom was known as a force to be reckoned with in the FMFL. That is, before this season. Blossom has had a ho-hum year so far, winning some and losing some. Without a wild card win in Week 5, she’d be in the negatives. Although she’s still within earshot of the playoffs, Blossom has fallen off the record-setting pace we are used to seeing from her.

Grade: D


Bummy
Total: $600
Winning Percentage: .609
Fines: $200
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: Without his late bets, Bummy would be a playoff team. With them, he is not. And if you were to ask Bummy about it, I don’t think he’d care either way. He still has his wild card and is primed for a run at the division. But there is a good chance that he sleeps in too late on any given Sunday and forgets to bet at all.

Grade: B


Karl Farbman
Total: -$400
Winning Percentage: .412
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: The defending champion has been awful of late, slipping into negative money for the first time this season. His winning percentage is down, but he still has his wild card bet on the table. But so far, Karl has lacked any type of momentum or intelligence.

Grade: C-


Mr. Marbles
Total: $1,600
Winning Percentage: .600
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: We have underestimated his sneakiness. Marbles quietly hung around the top of the division for the last month, then took the lead when both franchises in front of him tumbled. Last season, he struggled down the stretch when trying to win the division. This could be the year that he break through. Just like the other contenders in the North, it will be interesting to see when (or if) he plays his wild card bet.

Grade: A-


The 21th Precinct
Total: -$200
Winning Percentage: .409
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: Second-year franchise the 21th Precinct surprised the entire league in 2008 with a strong second half of the regular season which translated into a playoff spot and some money. This year, he has failed to get close to the top of the leaderboard, but has not fallen too far behind to mimic his ’08 run in ’09. But he still has a lot to prove.

Grade: C+


SOUTH

Chris B. Corey
Total: -$400
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: His grade is not based on Funny Money performance. It is based on his general demeanor and hair length.

Grade: D+


Love Doctor
Total: -$1,100
Winning Percentage: .467
Fines: $600
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: The good Doctor is one of the less vocal members of the 2009 rookie class, but was plugging along for the first part of the season until last week when he failed to bet. He’s had a steady hand so far and could have a chance in the South, where no one has run away the the division just yet.

Grade: C-


Mr. DeBlasis
Total: $500
Winning Percentage: .545
Fines: $100
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: Called by some as, “The most hypnotic team in Funny Money Football,” Mr. DeBlasis is currently on the outside looking in for the playoffs. He is one of the few remaining franchises that has the courage to bet on the Browns. If he can string together a couple of good weeks, the end of the season could be interesting.

Grade: B-


Slovy Maximus
Total: $600
Winning Percentage: .538
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: Slovy looks to be on the decline, as he was leading his division for awhile, but then let it slip away. He has continued to bet conservatively, often betting four games. His playoff destiny may be determined by the rest of the league. If the league average comes down, he could sneak in.

Grade: B-


The People’s Champ
Total: $0
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $200
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: Another past champion that has struggled this season, the Champ uncharacteristically placed late bets two of the last three weeks. It’s no surprise that the Giants’ recent skid has been mirrored by the Champ.

Grade: C


Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Total: $1,000
Winning Percentage: .565
Fines: $100
Wild Card: New Orleans; Week 7 – Won

Comment: Betting with guts, Waldo rose from the middle of the pack two weeks ago with a big wild card win. Although he gave up the lead last week, remains at the top of the division and has solidified himself as a force in the South for the rest of the season. After having a rough end to 2008, we shall see if his veteran knowledge serves him well this year.

Grade: A-


Yaz
Total: $1,200
Winning Percentage: .688
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: Right out of the gate, Yaz had a perfect week. Then he slipped up. Then he hovered around $0 for a few weeks. But in the last three weeks, he has won $500 each week, vaulting him to the top of the division. So far, he has been streaky. His final outcome will depend on whether he’s hot at the end of the season.

Grade: B+


WEST

Bayonnaise
Total: $400
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $300
Wild Card: Indianapolis; Week 7 – Won

Comment: In typicial Bayonnaise fashion, he had late bets in the first week of 2009. He has been okay since then, but might be too far off of the pace to make any noise in the division. He cashed in on his wild card already, so he needs to stay in the thick of things in the next few weeks. Once the Thursday night games start, expect the fines to pile up.

Grade: B


Don Mattingly
Total: $1,600
Winning Percentage: .722
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: Mattingly is the only lapsed member in the history of the FMFL, but he is back with a vengeance. His winning percentage is solid and he has avoided fines all year long. He has also avoided betting the Chiefs every week. Yet, he is still far behind childhood life partner Rick Moranis. If he can cash in on his wild card, the race for the West will get interesting.

Grade: B+


Kenny Powers
Total: $300
Winning Percentage: .478
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Indianapolis; Week 5 – Won

Comment: Kenny is another rookie who has showed some promise in his inaugural campaign. He hit his big bet in Week 5 which took him out of the negatives and on the brink of the playoffs. He has been consistently average the last few weeks, but has put himself in position to be in the mix down the stretch.

Grade: B


Rick Moranis
Total: $2,400
Winning Percentage: .727
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: What is he doing differently? The absolute WORST owner in FMFL history has straight up dominated the first half of the season. In fact, last week was the first time he lost money all season (he lost $100). The preseason Vegas odds had him as a huge underdog. The house is not ready to pay off on those odds. He must be defeated before the season is over.

Grade: A


T-Ferg
Total: $600
Winning Percentage: .545
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: T-Ferg shot up at the beginning of the year and has stayed somewhat close to the leaders as of late. His streakiness could come back to haunt him down the stretch, but so far he has put on a respectable rookie performance.

Grade: B+


The Beard of Zeus
Total: -$200
Winning Percentage: .381
Fines: $0
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: Before the season began, The Beard of Zeus vowed that this was his year. Although he has cut down on his fines, his winning percentage is still below .400 and he has yet to capitalize on any momentum from week-to-week. A few bad weeks now and you can write him off for another season.

Grade: C-


The Phoenix
Total: -$400
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $400
Wild Card: Still Available

Comment: The self-proclaimed “Chad Johnson of Funny Money,” as well as the self-proclaimed “Mark Cuban of Funny Money,” and most recently, the self-proclaimed “Zac Efron of Funny Money,” the Phoenix has been fined $400. Without those fines, he would be exactly even for the year (.500 winning percentage). Even if he makes a move in the second half, most of his bets will be late.

Grade: C-

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